February 05, 2006

kryptic kumho and the michelin man

dawg gone it, i'm tired. if you could see my eyes. it has been one mighty rough week folks.

had one of those speaking engagements the other night. the kind that makes my intestines squirrel up in a knot. yow. someone in the back, yeah you, remind me why i heap this pressure on myself? sometimes i really wonder.

anyways, staring out at all those eyeballs, it got me to thinking.

on friday, i got a flat tire. now, i don't know about you, but for me there is no graceful way to have any kind of car trouble. mainly i blame this on my ignorance, as i know nothing about keeping a car going. i've never changed a flat although i have watched more than a few get changed.

can we admit that it's boy work? in my mind, boys flock to flat tires almost like they're bbq pits. not happy, but serious, you know, work to be done. i think i know how, but i have no real experience with cars whatsoever and frankly, i don't want it.

unfortunately, that just leaves me awash in my ignorance, waiting for the next incident, and when it hits just like clockwork i'm going to freak out. can't help it people, when car trouble strikes, the bitch in me ignites.

add on the cliche grease monkey sticking it to the dumbfuck woman in the garage metaphor and i know you can sense my seriousness. when car trouble occurs, i swear i instantly feel a cold shot of chills up my spine and then fire in my skull. steam. anger. don't fuck with me, boy, i will whip your ass without even blinking. to put it mildly, i'm irrational. i'm a trapped goat about to be slaughtered so like a good goat i guess, i start bucking immediately.

now this should have been a run of the mill flat tire with few surprises. spur arrived on the scene and dealt with all of it, saved the day. gave true and i a ride to the tire place and yaked with us until they had oft the old and onned the new, and then took us back to the car and put the new one on.

but the new one was giving me pause. i looked once, i looked twice, the new one clearly said "kumho" around the side. what the fuck? i'm a michelin girl. again, i have some capitalism quirks. one major one is i take advice, and when my friend the grease monkey says, "only buy michelins," well, i naturally only buy michelins.

well, honeys, these weren't michelins at all. i had three michelins and a lone kumho. is they crazy? are they trying to start something? i went batshit. totally pissed, again. this time, they slipped me a fucking kumho! fucking bastards!

the long and short of it: the tire place got twice the money from me and replaced the kumho with a michelin. the daycare, where i got the flat, got the construction company to pay for the tire. so i walk away with a michelin free and clear. life is good, right?

almost, fact is everyday in my office i see the same. people so constipated with stress over making the wrong financial decision they make none. people pissed and irrationally angry, it's like they think i'm going to stick it to them (the "what's in it for you" client.) a large percentage of people, all people, simply can't habla finance. they can't, it's just like me learning about cars--an ignorance ceiling of some sort that we don't want to break through.

i know as surely as my engine check light will come on again, that everyone that reads this is going to face a financial emergency sometime in the future. trust me, it's coming. if you don't speak the language then get yourself a translator NOW!! someone you can trust. because when the grease monkey is pounding you over a stack of used kumhos, it's really too late to learn.

and i would wager that your family's welfare is more important to you than your car's.

Posted by shoe at February 5, 2006 09:20 AM | TrackBack