March 07, 2006

the elephant mom

no, don't look away, my liege. i mean you no harm.

i'm quietly tucked away behind locked doors, sitting upright in my night-night, breathing heavy for all the wrong reasons.

bad bad juju, round here, that's all i know for certain.

it happened. true starred in his first acting gig tonight. 6pm, milk and cookie night. true sought and got the lead in the great lemonade standoff, jamal.

i was grumpy. long days at the salt mine lately. very productive, but long. i dread being there sometimes, it's like i walk in and it takes over. before i know it, i'm looking at my watch and late to the daycare.

so today, i planned it from the start. leave work, stop by home, change out of the suit, get the cleaning, go to cvs, get the allergy meds, drop the cleaning, pick up the alley cat, get true, feed the kids, milk & cookie get the jist. everything in it's order, that's how my days run me.

so i pick up alex and get true and he is covered in green paint. his pants are fuct. apparently, true was painting the grass all day. washed his hands, but three guesses where he dried them? it's 5:30, a half an hour to show time, i scramble to change and spit shine the boys.

when i'm through, true says to me (please, note the day, it's one that shall haunt the rest of mine. )

true, "Mom, wouldn't you like to change also?"
me, "Oh, I guess...What would you like me to wear?"
true, "how about something pretty? you know, something like you wear to work"
me, in my best elephant man groan, "look at me...I am not a monster, I am your mother."

the look on his face? true concern. i'm embarassing, i'm horrifying to look at, no no please, look away. grudgingly, i changed back into my suit.

ya know, true honey, you hurt mama real bad today. i am suffering from an old lady with cats syndrome like you wouldn't believe. shouldn't have messed with me, son, i'm not taking this shit lying down. now that i know you are embarrassed of me, i shall find a way to spotlight my most embarrassing qualities. like my mother and her's before her, you ain't seen embarrassing yet. bet on that. soccer starts in two weeks, little lord fauntleroy. game on.

Posted by shoe at March 7, 2006 10:11 PM | TrackBack

Oh, bless, honey. I'm sure he didn't mean it like that. It was his big night and he wanted the spotlight on all of you.

Besides, you should be pleased he is aiming high by showing a preference for women in suits!

; )

Posted by: Chrissy at March 7, 2006 10:36 PM

As the father of the "Emperor Penguin" himself, I assure you: Being an embarrassment to our children is a cross we as parents all must bear -- carry it with pride and dignity.

Posted by: Bob at March 8, 2006 11:23 AM

.. payback will be sweet... be sure to tell us all about it...

Posted by: Eric at March 8, 2006 03:47 PM

Ahhhh - come on - don't be hypersensitive. He obviously thinks you are pretty when you go to work every day and he just wants his friends to admire you as much as he does. After all you are the "best mommy in the hole wide world".

Posted by: Zapatamama at March 8, 2006 06:41 PM

Damn, I need some shorter 411...

Ok, first, I like my women a little on the trashy side.(Duh). Me and Traivs are tight like that...

Second, he's got a thing for women in uniforms. He just don't know it yet. Uni's come in all kinds. I wear one, and I'll bet you straight up you'd get more votes for "good lookin'" in yours then I would in "mine". No, my uniform, aint neckid. Results would sure be the same even if it were.

When he's a bazillionaire, somebody's bound to ask him 'bout his momma. What you want him to say?

I know what I'd like my youngin's to say... He's bad..., he's Nationwide. That'd be a bit of an understatement though. Just a bit.

I'm a global asshole. I get to be a bigger one day by day. Jus' ask 'em...


I'm still an asshole, but, hell, You want your kids sayin' that 'bout you to John Q. Public? You done good putin' on the suit again. He'll remember that you did it for him, and... here's the kicker, he'll remember it when you've forgotten it. If it's possible for a woman to forget anything...

Posted by: RedNeck at March 8, 2006 08:27 PM