July 19, 2006

black tie frumptional

well, time is running out. yours truly is attending a wedding this weekend. it's black tie optional and the guest list is out of this world. the governor of texas will be in attendance. senator phil gramm will be in attendance. ut football coach mac brown will be in attendance. if i gave a wit for any of them, perhaps i'd be more excited, but as it turns out, i could care less.

i'm too concerned about being the proverbial elephant in the room. no shit, people, i've tried on a hundred dresses. i feel like i'm squeezing into mermaid costumes. it's not pretty. and here it's wednesday, two more days to go and i don't have a clue.

what is black tie optional? the entire web is dedicated to explaining this shit for men. WTF?? men are monkeys, tux or suit, easy enough, so why dedicate 10,000 websites to this? what about us women? egads, i'm in fashion hell where i have permanent parking. why must this be so difficult?

my escort is loving my fashion freak out. he'll gladly prey on any excuse to jump on my last nerve and beg that we skip this grueling event. and honestly, after a LOOOOOONG day of examining my cellulite in floor to ceiling mirrors, all i want to do is haul ass the other way.

but how can i? the groom has been such a sweetheart to me. when he played ut football, he was able to get me a football signed by the entire team for my brother, the biggest longhorn fan in texas, for christmas. when he got a job in the NFL, he sent my boys autographed pennants and posters. and last christmas, when i posted that i couldn't find the $70+ lego starship for true, he found out and sent it in the mail to my office.

and here's the kicker, he's red's son. while besides being a very close family friend, he's a great reminder to me that my kids might turn out all right. he grew up a child of divorce. he learned most of what he knows at the hands of a single working mom. and best of all, he had a disney dad that makes my kids' disney dad look like the run of the mill carnie that he is.

so i'll do something, i don't care what. i need to be there to show him that i'm thankful to be among those he invited to share in the most important day of his life. and i'll try to look beyond my own sequined shell and remember what it's like to be so in love that nothing else mattered, not even your broker doubling as a disco ball.

peace and love and wardrobe bliss to you all.

Posted by shoe at July 19, 2006 05:36 PM | TrackBack

Disco ball? I'm down on my knees in pain!!!

Posted by: Yabu at July 19, 2006 05:21 PM

.. namedropper......

Posted by: Eric at July 19, 2006 05:49 PM

Shoe, is there some place you can just rent something so you don't have to shell out big bucks for something you might not wear a lot? I have had similar fashion freak outs and sometimes I can actually hear the voice of reason saying
"nobody's coming to look at you, don't worry, just wear something appropriate and comfy and go and have some fun"

Just go and enjoy honey!!!

Posted by: Lisa W. at July 19, 2006 07:29 PM

Show that you really care. Go naked.

Posted by: zonker at July 19, 2006 08:09 PM

In all fairness, you've got me considerin' makin' a web site for women that describes what "Black Tie Optional" means for them. I'll cut to the chase...

It means, women go naked... I'm just sayin'...

Posted by: RedNeck at July 19, 2006 08:17 PM

Okay, okay, okay - but what SHOES are you going to wear?????

Posted by: Zapatamama at July 19, 2006 10:11 PM

Dayum, woman, you shoulda spoken up sooner. I coulda dragged you shopping with me these last two weeks.

; )

Looking forward to seeing you tomorrow!

Posted by: Christina at July 20, 2006 05:37 AM

It's called "black tie optional" because guys always have to be told.
How can a gal go wrong with a little black dress? It's the shoulders in that dress and how the shoes make the calves look.
Your biggest problem will be not being prettier than the bride?

Posted by: marcus at July 20, 2006 07:23 AM

I hear you - hang in there. Something perfect is bound to turn up...

Posted by: Richmond at July 20, 2006 12:51 PM

... so what size pumps do you wear to make your calves look nice, Marcus?...

Posted by: Eric at July 20, 2006 08:40 PM

Don't listen to Zonker. Go in your new underwear.

Posted by: Denny at July 20, 2006 08:42 PM

So... pics?

Posted by: T1G at July 22, 2006 09:28 AM

and here I was thinking I was having a good break and you're already seeing other professional escorts on the side?

No uniform pics for you.

Posted by: RSM at July 24, 2006 11:04 AM