January 30, 2006

binge and purge economics

i have many spending disorders, capitalism quirks.

although i'm female in sex, i'm not at shopping. i loathe shopping. i'm missing the finer qualities of true feminine persuasion. i can't coordinate or accessorize, and therefore, the thought of shopping is sheer torture to me and brings out many of my deep seeded issues.

anorexia i know when i get out there, i'll suffer a mini anxiety attack, almost unnoticeable to passers-by. i'll be doing my usual great depression baby thinking, "do i really need this?" the answer is usually no. due to my mental warfare, i often opt out, rather than make a choice that requires spending money. the thought of spending money being too painful after a long day of earning it. plus, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. my wealthiest clients by and large have suffered from financial anorexia. classic quote from a great depression baby:

me, "i love your suit."
client, "this awful thing? why, it's old enough to vote."
man, i admire their lean financial ways.

bulimia as a natural consequence of being shopping deficient, genetically speaking, i've found that i've developed a binge and purge economic lifestyle. it works like this: because i have no confidence to pick out a simple outfit, i compensate by overbuying once i get myself to the shopping venue. if i need socks, i buy a dozen pair, in my mind escaping all future need for that venue. and in that moment, that single solitary moment when i'm flush with socks for the foreseeable future, i really am at peace. it doesn't last long though. eventually i find myself awash in multi color whatever it is, so i box the tired crap up and leave it for the charitable resale shops. a more common version of the purge is the classic garage sale, though i've never had the stomach for it.

obesity finally, when i find something i truly love, truly worth the extra dough, i go flame throwing mad with it. money really has no value when you allow yourself to spend sixty dollars on shampoo. it can be a kind of costco mentality at times, storing up the good stuff like a hardworking squirrel.
other times, it's more simple, a favorite food or a specialty coffee. anyone who's spent money on a drink at starbucks is guilty of this perception quicksand to one extreme or another. it goes like this, "it's worth it." no it's not, it's marketing.
i'm not picking on starbucks either, i'm guilty on all fronts. i paid $2 for a quart of water TODAY at the mini mart. at that rate, i'm spending 8 bucks on a gallon of water. hilarious, water. i tell you what though, i was thirsty. supply and demand, ain't life grand?
go ahead, get yourself a normal run of the mill capitalistic addiction and i think you'll find that your common sense flies out the window. afterall, more is more. keeping up with the joneses, and all that.

there's only one way to survive, only one way to remain relatively financially healthy despite the known landmines and the weaknesses they uncover. you've heard it before, it's not like i invent this shit. Pay Yourself First. that is all. pay yourself first and you can fuck away all the money in the world at starbucks, it's a fact.

fail to pay yourself first and the only solution is going to be .38 caliber bullet. i can't help you if you won't help yourself. take that vital first step, please.

(blinding glimpse of the obvious brought to you by denny. he gave me the bullet idea to run off those clients who practice deadbeat economics. when they ask me what they should do, i'm supposed to put a bullet out on my desk between us--classic snotty rich fuck. big thanks to denny!!)

nighty, night kids. now remember, put some hay in the barn. i mean it. do it by april 15th and uncle sam might smile on you. healthy americans=healthy america. can do & know how, that's you. now go get em.

Posted by shoe at January 30, 2006 10:30 PM | TrackBack