December 31, 2005

resolution revolution

what gives? why incorporate a whole list of get with its for the coming year? it just seems to forshadow more failure, in my meager mind at least. i remember such resolutions from new years past, like cigarette free in, not this year. can't do it to myself again.

this year i resolve to work on everyone else's problems. here i would like to make some suggestions for everyone else to work on and i know i'll be a happier person if you can just make it so.

1. non-blondes: what is with the brown haired folk that refer to themselves as blonde because they were when they were 5 years old? look in a mirror. if your hair is not blonde NOW then stop referring to yourself as blonde. it indicates that you derive some sort of self worth by virtue of hair color, and if you're not 5 anymore, it's time to get over it. enough.

2. traffic regulators: drive in the right lane, all the time. pass on the left. the department of public safety isn't going to give you a commendation for clogging up the passing lane because you feel the need to set the going speed on your own. and it just might get you hurt, my own road rage is growing increasingly rampant due to your fuckwad antics.

3. blog whores: my fucking eyes. i love the blog world, for the most part. there are a couple of blogs i read with great regularity simply to hate on the bitches. i even call blight up from time to time to hate them with me. they use the internet as a place to post their nudey shots and dildo stories and they lure others to their sites in the comments. i know men dig this, but i do not. if your life is so freaking pathetic that you have decided to flirt with nameless faceless men on the internet, you are begging for disaster. funny how often they mix stories of how their kids are fucked up with their own stories of indiscretion. hmmm, i wonder why?? have some respect for yourself. if we were all supermodels, it would be another story. but mostly i see what equates to the size 24 woman with thighs and gut spilling out of the short shorts at walmart. heave, ladies. respect yourself. if you want to flirt, be my guest. but how bout sending an email or an instant message instead? the internet already has a huge white trash element, no reason to try and excel in this venue. discretion. try it, you might find it works better than giving it all away at the sale barn for free.

ok, ok. that's all i resolve for everyone else now. but think of this exercise as a meme for me. post the little changes you to would like to see in the comments or at your own place and link this spot. and if you think i'm off my rocker, let me have it. afterall, i resolve to fix nothing about myself. i'm simply too fucked up and i really wouldn't know where to start.

HAPPY NEW YEAR, BLOGPEEPS!! i love ya so consider yourself smooched at midnight.

Posted by shoe at December 31, 2005 10:24 AM | TrackBack