October 25, 2005

the siren song of manhood

it's my time, peeples...my time to shine. pop ticka ticka pop crackly crick pop

neck percussion, it's my thing, gonna have my own band soon. let's just say, i'm gifted, very gifted.

took all y'alls ROTTEN advice and went to the doctor today. it was $80 bucks for the office visit, but i'm in sales, gotta make it pay, ya know? hadn't seen a doctor in god knows how long, so i figured i'd get him to write me some scripts. you know, something mindblowing for the accident and neck pain, rescript the allergy meds i ran out of a year ago, and hey, how bout a sleeping aid?

every time i need one of those, the fuckers say, oh no, only if you come in. like i'm going to pay 80 bucks to catch some sleep on a trans-atlantic flight? no way. i just need that shit, hiding out in the med cabinet for back up. oof, those hazy crazy insomniatic nights. or maybe post blodgemeet sleep reallignment plans, whichever comes first.

so the doc, meeting me for the first time and hearing all of this in the presence of a honey med student (she was just riding shotgun on the shoe drug interdiction, lucky gurl!) started asking a lot of the inquisitive questions you might expect... saying look this way and that way and where does it hurt? all was going smooth, don't ya know

he prescribed celebrex for the accident. wtf? anti-inflamatories very well may be the crack of the geriatric generation, but doc, they didn't do squat for my headache nor my neck pain. oh but the sounds are sweet...ticka ticka pop pop cccrrrrreeeak. i should be thankful. you the one with the fancy medical degree, not me, and i really can't deal with a codone addiction right now anyway. that would really mess me up, and frankly, i don't need messin'.

rescripted my beloved flonase and then things turned sour. had an intervention moment as the doc described how over time sleep aids would lose their effect, i would want more, and more, and more. whoa, doc, save it. i know all about it. but see, i've never been much of a pill popper, i just need this shit for back up, so when i call you, your lady out front doesn't say i have to come in, cause frankly, then it's too late.

done and gone

oh, and no one mentioned SOFT TISSUE once. should i be afraid? fuck the accident, i'm gonna get me a piece of that malpractice bullshit

just kidding, i'm a lover not a litigator.. hate someone else

so i go about my day, and it was busy folks. very busy, which for me means very good. got home, noticed anti-inflammatories don't do shit. really, i was hitting rock bottom, breakdown by the chattahoochie style, when my very sweet san antonian frer meredith called to invite me over. hells yeah!! always make time for my girlfries, you know dat..

thew those children in the car, they've fallen asleep at meredith's a few times. hauled off to san antonio, why not? flew to that interstate. i was in NO SHIT welfare, texas when it happened.

are you sitting down? hunting season doesn't open for another week down here. but tonight folks, i bagged my first buck. a huge fucking axis. damn. fast and agile bambi too, practically did a cartwheel from the right of the interstate to my left headlight.

sniff, sniff.... i didn't even get to wear camo.

fucked the car, but i'm alive and so are my kids!! take that! rolled to a gas station where meredith came to meet me. she brought along her testosterone junky boyfriend, equipped with a saw and duct tape. he went to work, and i didn't think that car could get uglier, but peeps, it certainly did.

damn people. what is it with men? you'd think we were giving away puppies or something. men came out of the woodwork. at least ten that i can count, to help of course, or advise, whichever. duct tape and a saw, the siren song of manhood.

creepy, and all this time i thought it was something else completely. dating issues, solved. tape and saw, tape and saw, do you hear me, mister right? am i speaking your language now?

all in all, a great day. so blogworthy, every bit. no sappy comments, pretty please, i'm fine. truly blessed to be here. very happy, relieved, and lucky. it's just ugly twisted metal folks, it ain't people. and that deer had a deathwish, and further, no insurance. i saw his look of surprise fo sho. we had a moment, it was his last.

and again, i'm up too late..

where's my ambien? i think i'll start with 5 and call the doc for a refill in the morning. should make his day.

Posted by shoe at October 25, 2005 11:58 PM | TrackBack