October 09, 2006


christopher columbus, you were robbed. you were an explorer, my kind of explorer, came to america three times before you realized where you were. chris baby, they've butchered you. to celebrate your zest for discovery of a new world they close everything and no one does shit. though the market is open, volume sucks flatulent air.

columbus day was unusually busy. besides being a monday at the office, the kids were out of school and the first round of parent/teacher conferences were staged.

alex is out there. does well, when he's not loving on his neighbor, zoe, which apparently is a problem. the hugging has escalated to lifting of shorts and some zealous tickling. as big a lovebug as he is, i never saw it coming.

we even had a conversation about zoe. alex told me zoe goes to the office every day. i said, "maybe she's taking medicine?" alex says, "nope, she's not sick." so i say, "well maybe she's a bad girl and she's got to go see the principal?" to which alex sings, "bad girl, bad girl, what ya gonna do? what ya gonna do when i come for you?" that's my boy!

i start true's conference out on the wrong foot. apparently, i blurted out the "b word" in the first few minutes. the teacher let me know in no uncertain terms that they don't condone usage of the "b word" in true's class. true and alex are there, because i'm a single mom, and true turns to me and says, "if you say the b word, mom, then you are a b word, that's what miss harp says." and i'm in shock. what did i say? can anyone guess the "b word"? hint for my hinkys: think highly sensitive society, and you're on the right track.

from there, she begins running through true's test scores and telling me that although they don't have a gifted talented program in the second grade, if they did, he'd be in it. then she stuns me by saying that true is far and away the most advanced reader in his entire grade. then she pulled out his stanford test scores and tells me he reads and comprehends on the eighth grade level.

the next part of the conversation is a blur as my head swells up like a hot air balloon. i really couldn't hear much of what she saying over my own chanting to myself~oh hell yeah, mommy of the year, it's in the bag!! when i snap to, the conversation has reached epic dark proportions.

the teacher says, "but the darkest, most methodic criminals in the toughest institutions in this country, they are gifted and talented as well. it takes a high acumen and serious dedication to plan and carry out those degrees of crimes. you won't find gifted talented in the county jail, they are in the federal penitentiary."


chou of the year parade over, back to reality.

Posted by shoe at October 9, 2006 08:08 PM | TrackBack

Would I could have said it so well, sweetie. Would I could have spread the pox so well, too. Live for those days. Conquest must be so invigorating.

Posted by: velociman at October 9, 2006 09:18 PM


Posted by: zonker at October 9, 2006 11:00 PM

If the teacher was right, V-Man would have spent the last 40 years in Lewisburg.

Posted by: Jim - PRS at October 10, 2006 02:01 AM

Chou I can't BELIEVE a teacher actually said that to you! Wow, you'd be in big shit around here if you said something like that to a parent. It's mildly amusing (mostly because it isn't my kid) but also very very weird.

Posted by: Lisa W. at October 10, 2006 05:18 AM

Chris Columbus, didn't he invent some kind of mattress or sheets, maybe something to do with towels? That is how we honor him around here -- big white sales.

Posted by: hoosierboy at October 10, 2006 06:57 AM

What is this, "Good Cop - Bad Cop," with the teacher playing both sides? "Soften her up with some compliments, then administer the smackdown"?


Don't you worry. True sounds a lot like me at that age...great reader, bright (so they said), a troublemaker. But I turned out OK.

Err, ahhh, on second thought, the burlap sack in the river option is still on the table...

Posted by: Elisson at October 10, 2006 10:35 AM

"But I turned out OK."

Um... yeah... Elisson. I don't believe I would have said that.

Just kidding, of course.

Shoe, baby. I know you probably don't want to stir up anything, but I think I woulda had to have a little meeting with Mr.(or Ms.) Principal after that "conference"... just to get my thoughts about Miss Teacher on the record. Elisson's right. That conversation was more than just a little bizarre. It sounds like she doesn't have a clue about anything in the Ol' Real World, where the highly sensitive get thrown out with yesterday's junk mail.

Posted by: Dash at October 10, 2006 11:47 AM

thanks, people. but linky love from vman, that just says one thing. i'm a smart girl, i know the score.

it's really rough not having any backup in the real world. so i appreciate ya'll's perspectives. dash, i'm now against principal meetings. here: you voice your concerns while i hum, "uh huh, uh huh, uh huh, wayelllll" that's how they go. i give up.

still no guesses on the b word? it's not blogger, but thanks for playing, zonker. good to see you out here, buddy!

Posted by: shoe at October 10, 2006 11:57 AM

you also find gifted talented running the companies that make the profits that go to taxes that get fed out there to make her work possible.

Be proud. You've got a good boy. (and file a letter detailing the incident with the school board. It will help later in the year when she pulls some REAL bs. Just keep True talking to you about what's going on and step in when he becomes discouraged with classes.)

Posted by: RSM at October 10, 2006 05:01 PM

I like a girl who can throw around the Bitch thing. Just my guess. Yes, I'm tight with praise. Probably because it doesn't get thrown my way too often. But it's nice to lavish it where it's appreciated.

Posted by: Velociman at October 10, 2006 06:10 PM

I'm guessing "bindlestiff," though I don't know what that has to do with a teacher.

Unless... she uses the stick part to shove... um....

Posted by: That 1 Guy at October 10, 2006 08:23 PM

Yeah, I'm with Elisson. He sounds a lot like me at that age, and I'm just fine . . . well, I'm a lawyer, so whatever you wanna call that! ;)

Seriously though, that teach deserves a smack down, I'm all in!

Posted by: oddybobo at October 11, 2006 08:12 AM


Posted by: Eric at October 11, 2006 08:03 PM

Y'all. Don't be so sure that the principal doesn't know about the "b" word thing. He or she may have been the one to tell the teachers "no B word here" would be the way everything would be taught.

Odd, how she can say that "If you say the B word, then you are the B word", and yet implicitly state that she thinks anyone as smart as your son must be destined to become a master criminal. Sounds like she doesn't LIKE people (esp kids) who are smarter than she. Yah, and I knew a few like her too.

Posted by: Nancy at October 16, 2006 09:13 AM