March 24, 2006


yesterday, a situation developed, most rapidly.

we spent hours on the phone, looking at this and looking at that. following the glorious paper trail through days and weeks and months. it was like a hunting expedition, a goat hunt, a scape goat.

fingers like weapons were drawn. it was him, no it was you, no it was her, had to be her. we had no idea how to solve a problem of epic proportions and an even lesser understanding of how the problem occurred.

we don't know who's to blame, and we are beyond caring. who did it? who knows. who's going to pay for it? yours truly.

that's the problem with clusterfucks, someone has to take responsibility for there to be any solution. humble pie fit for a queen. open up wide, here comes the first bite.

Posted by shoe at 06:41 AM | Comments (5) | TrackBack

March 21, 2006

collier bleu

my dear kelley got me going with this post on the french workforce. economic speak turns me on, especially when it's in french.

but for me, it was sadly symbolic of our own economic issues. union labor, it seems like an outdated system of entitlement to me. i'm open to criticism here, in fact i'd like to hear some.

when i moved from texas to illinois in 1995, i had culture shock. not only had i moved north of the mason dixon line, the state economy was a 180 from what i had been raised with in texas. illinois had a state income tax (though a minor 3%), a massive welfare system, and blue collar industry like i had never witnessed in texas. with the industry in illinois came union labor, another foreign concept, to me at least. not that union labor doesn't exist in texas, i'm sure it does, but it wasn't the leading source of employment where i was raised.

in illinois, i had a lot of clients that worked for firestone, caterpillar, adm, and many others. most of them were in unions and i remember being freaked out by them. they'd come in to talk about money and they were pulling down high 50's for income, paying almost nothing for medical insurance on their entire families, and incessantly griping about how they were getting screwed by the big bad corporation.

for a young (24) girl from texas, i remember feeling like i couldn't relate. working on commission only, no steady income whatsoever (especially then), $400 a month in insurance premiums every month for my spouse and i, and benefits? job security? even today, after 13 years at one employer, my job security depends soley on what i was able to produce in the last few months (the ole what have you done for me lately). no money, no pride, and no future employment...reality is a bitch like that.

but i got to say, i feel adept at working hard, performing on demand, arp arp arp (trick seal). i love what i do and it's worth all the risk, even though it has a tendency to make me a little manic from time to time. reading blight's peace on the french, well, i hate to throw stones, but i've seen lazy and stupid. i've seen face to face that which is breaking many of our largest corporations. entitlement is a slippery slope, and we have plenty of issues right here.

course no one's rioting, yet. is it luck or a significant measure of the problem? you tell me.

Posted by shoe at 07:36 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

March 20, 2006

et tu, true?

sorry, i didn't mean to dissappear like that.

been all around this great big state the past few.

word continued to trickle in all day friday. turns out, the fall was 10 feet, not eight. and the landing? a cement sidewalk. if one more outlaw would have said "he's so lucky he landed flat on his back" i would have lost it. miraculously, no injuries. other than the broken arm, but it is really a blessing and believe me we feel fortunate.

so as i'm approaching the meetup area, my phone is lighting up like a firecracker. every two seconds, the grand outlaws are calling, fessing up. no one was there when alex fell. and alex didn't fall. they had just had a pinata outside and a family birthday party for him. to hear alex tell it is the best, "true took my candy and shoved me off the porch." holy shit. anyway, ex-grandma called me and told me to file on their homeowner's as an accident. as mutated as this sounds (she's a lawyer) i kept hearing her in my dreams saying, "please, sue me for negligence."

i wouldn't ever. for real. i'm not the suing type, but it just shows how i detest my outlaws so. i fantacize about suing them. i blame them directly for raising Lord Dumbass of all Dumbfuckery. let me tell you apart from all this, i detest them. this is actually increasing my frustation with them because besides the arm trauma, there are my dumbfuck ex-inlaws calling every day, several times a day. i'm not used to them feigning concern for us. it's like a whole new circus act.

cool thing was, my brother is a bone doctor, a pediatric orthopedic surgeon. a badass, to be sure, but particularly a blessing this weekend. he met me at my mom's and casted alex's arm. then he played hide and seek with him until we had to return. it really put me at ease to see that the injury was no big deal to my bro. alex is home and mama can sleep.

anyway, this was supposed to be a recap on my ides of march experience. can you believe it's so simple? when you get down to it, it's your own brother turning on you. shoving you and stealing your candy.

that's what it really is about isn't it?

alex, if you survive childhood, your brother may turn into the best friend you've ever had, the person you respect the most. course it takes a while. good luck.

Posted by shoe at 08:29 AM | Comments (10) | TrackBack

March 16, 2006

buzz lightyear can't fly

i got a call last night, around 6:30. the ex's girlfriend has the worst communication skills, she started off, "shoe, i didn't want to be the one to tell you this but alex broke his arm."

me, "oh my god, where is he? how is he?"

her, "oh, he's fine. they are on their way to jackson to check on him. no one will set his arm until they can be sure that he doesn't have any more severe injuries."

me, "does he?"

her, "well, it's just the distance that he fell. i'm guessing over eight feet since he fell from the second story balcony at the exes house. they are sending him to get a cat scan"

me, "when did it happen"

her, "about 4:30."

helpless as i was from two states away, it only compounded my worries having to go through the family of imbeciles for information. poor alex. he should have never been there. in the end, he had a buckle fracture in his right arm very close to the wrist. good news? he's a south paw, shouldn't slow down his writing a bit. however, with his birthday this sunday and soccer in two weeks, i'm thinking this is going to be the nastiest cast you've ever seen, come summer.

parents, help me. how do you survive this? for hours last night, my stomach was churning. i couldn't do anything but worry. finally got some sleep but woke up feeling just as bad. it's terrible to be unable by distance to love on your child. ugh.

then again, i would have probably killed the entire family had i been on site, so i guess all is well. the alley cat returns on saturday, super hero with a fractured arm. the moonwalk is out.

side bet: i'll bet you that the ex didn't have any insurance info for the kids and that the financial bitchslapping of this "event" only begins to hit ME after the arm is healed. the man doesn't pay child support, regularly at least, so i doubt even though this event occured on his watch he'll pony up his half on the cat scan. just a guess. course i'm a cynic, but i'm also a blodger. time will tell.

Posted by shoe at 07:19 AM | Comments (9) | TrackBack

March 13, 2006

spring broken

well, long weekend. long week ahead.

the kiddos are spending spring break with their dad. i'm dealing with it as best i can.

now, i have a shitload to accomplish while they're gone. the yard has to be completely spring treated. i have cannas & daffodils breaking through in their beds, yet a blanket of dead leaves and weeds are successfully choking them out.

i have thigh high weeds in the back. they were treated this past weekend, but just one week to rake the leaves and have them droop to a mowable heighth.

i have been doing laundry since the boys left, and guess what? i'm not near through. i need to box up their winter clothes somewhere and organize their dresser again. shorts weather is here to stay, 80's in texas this past weekend, even with the overcast mornings.

next sunday, the alley cat turns 5 and we are having a blow out. his first real birthday party with school friends. what's great about turning five? well everything, but my favorite is alex's excitement over his big party. buzz lightyear theme, it's all he can talk about.

but tax time is upon us and work is absolutely chaotic of late. until april 15th, you can count on a bustling nine to five shoe shop. afterall, it's my busiest time of year. hey, i'm not ignoring you, i'm suffocating under a pile of paper. have a heart, will ya? uncle sam is teaching all my lessons--pay yourself first and free you can be. i'm going to write a holiday fable. this one won't be religiously based, so no one can go apeshit when my capitalistic holiday gets too capitalistic, deal? on the eve of spring broken...i like that.

it will symbolize the dead holiday within all responsible adults. the day will be a somber one, where we generate yard trash and sleep in and bemoan our lost childhoods. where the workload triples with the change in season. brothers, sisters, countrymen...i invite you to celebrate with me. Happy Spring Broken, lovechops!! from me to you!! smoochies, now quit fucking around and get to work!! mama needs a new pair of shoes!! mwah!

Posted by shoe at 07:28 AM | Comments (5) | TrackBack

March 10, 2006

cheers to the bus driver, bus driver man

woweeeee, big day at the office yesterday.

i have a newer client that came in with his wife. he's a school bus driver and makes a whopping 8 grand a year. his wife, who i had never met prior, was a peach and absolutely the brains of the pair. not that the bus driver isn't grand, he's a seriously nice guy, but just not anyone you'd threaten with a tag like genius.

anyhoo, they came in. he is investing 50 bucks a month with me. my antenna was up. are they high maintenance? i didn't know, i waited with baited breath to see if they were going to ask me to reallocate the 50 dollar systematic investment.

happens every day, so i shouldn't be surprised...but by the time he'd left, they had invested 50 grand, deposited a check for 75, and together they transferred in $750,000 from here, there and everywhere. dayum, even with 13 years in the business, i'm continually amazed at what people are able to accomplish once they set their mind to it. ANOTHER millionaire right under my nose, and i missed it. bad judgement will make you miss a lot of opportunities.

a little at a time, peeps. send your broker a little extra this month. and next. you'll be so glad you did. that's the secret to the bus driver's wealth and most that i come in contact with, they save every month, rain or shine. hay in the barn, peeps, put some hay in the barn.

Posted by shoe at 07:25 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

March 09, 2006

looking for the piglet, eh?

howdy, ya'll

i thought i was extremely popular with the canadians. afterall, i'm the number one google search for "capitalist piglet," thank you very much. everyone from saskatoon to alberta has been clicking that link.

however, on further research i found myself in hot debate. turns out there is a cartoon strip from the university of saskatchewan paper. although this paper refused to publish the mohammed cartoons, they printed a cartoon of jesus giving a blow job earlier this week.

well you can imagine. my sitemeter is spinning out of control. i liked it better when i thought canadians just got me, turns out, they're just looking for a blow job. if you'ld like to see the cartoon in question, it's here.

typical liberal university media, this one in canada no less. the odd thing in this for me has been reading conservative canadians. i seriously did not think they existed. miss kate has a very nice site. enjoy.

Posted by shoe at 06:57 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

March 07, 2006

the elephant mom

no, don't look away, my liege. i mean you no harm.

i'm quietly tucked away behind locked doors, sitting upright in my night-night, breathing heavy for all the wrong reasons.

bad bad juju, round here, that's all i know for certain.

it happened. true starred in his first acting gig tonight. 6pm, milk and cookie night. true sought and got the lead in the great lemonade standoff, jamal.

i was grumpy. long days at the salt mine lately. very productive, but long. i dread being there sometimes, it's like i walk in and it takes over. before i know it, i'm looking at my watch and late to the daycare.

so today, i planned it from the start. leave work, stop by home, change out of the suit, get the cleaning, go to cvs, get the allergy meds, drop the cleaning, pick up the alley cat, get true, feed the kids, milk & cookie get the jist. everything in it's order, that's how my days run me.

so i pick up alex and get true and he is covered in green paint. his pants are fuct. apparently, true was painting the grass all day. washed his hands, but three guesses where he dried them? it's 5:30, a half an hour to show time, i scramble to change and spit shine the boys.

when i'm through, true says to me (please, note the day, it's one that shall haunt the rest of mine. )

true, "Mom, wouldn't you like to change also?"
me, "Oh, I guess...What would you like me to wear?"
true, "how about something pretty? you know, something like you wear to work"
me, in my best elephant man groan, "look at me...I am not a monster, I am your mother."

the look on his face? true concern. i'm embarassing, i'm horrifying to look at, no no please, look away. grudgingly, i changed back into my suit.

ya know, true honey, you hurt mama real bad today. i am suffering from an old lady with cats syndrome like you wouldn't believe. shouldn't have messed with me, son, i'm not taking this shit lying down. now that i know you are embarrassed of me, i shall find a way to spotlight my most embarrassing qualities. like my mother and her's before her, you ain't seen embarrassing yet. bet on that. soccer starts in two weeks, little lord fauntleroy. game on.

Posted by shoe at 10:11 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack

March 03, 2006

speech impediments

Alex, "Mommy, a wong, wong, wong, wong time ago when I was four..."

Me, "Alex, you're four now."

Alex, "Ok, a wong time ago when i was free..."

and, True, "Alex, you had 8 pieces of pizza, you ate 5 and have 3 left. You're doing math!! 8 take away 5 is 3, good job!!"

Alex, "I yike maff, yum"

Posted by shoe at 07:56 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

March 01, 2006

smoke break

ugh, memes are the cigarette break of blogging, the mad libs style fill in the blank blodging. ok. i could use a break, sammy baby. i think under federal law i'm entitled to a few smoke breaks per full day's work.

here's this one: List seven songs you are into right now. No matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if they're any good, but they must be songs you're really enjoying now. Post these instructions in your blog along with your seven songs. Then tag seven other people to see what they're listening to.

in no certain order.

1. Jon Dee Graham: World So Full

2. Duke Ellington/Louis Armstrong: I got it bad (and that ain't good)

3. Bad Livers: Precious Time

4. Guy Forsyth: Son's House

5. Hank Williams: Please don't let me love you

6. Supersuckers: One Cigarette Away (Must've been high is a must own album)

7. The Reverend Horton Heat: Living on the edge of Houston
(pulled this one -smoke em if you got em?-out after reading zonk's meme, but before i knew i was tagged too. love the rev, and he does understand a smoke break)

i infect no one. not that you aren't loved peeps, you know you are. if you want to post some music you like, please do. i'll be around and likely looking to burn up another 15 minute segment of my life. rock on, wee blown eyeds.

Posted by shoe at 10:32 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack