October 17, 2006

the architect and the circus act

life really imitates life. my kids remind me so much of my brother and i. the sibling dynamics are just wild.

last night, i noticed alex had four or five pieces of gum in his mouth at bedtime.

"alex, spit that gum in the trash and go brush your teeth again."

alex, "but true has gum too"

true, "i'm not chewing any gum."

"true, hand over the gum." reluctantly, he opens his left hand to reveal two squished yet still wrapped pieces of gum. "other one," and he gives up two more from the right.

alex, "he's got more in his underwear."

"true, give me the gum from your underwear."

true, "that's it, in your hand. that's the gum i was saving for later."

and there you have it. my true, he saves everything, even stolen candy, because to him longevity equals purpose. but the alleycat, not so much. instant gratification, it's all he knows.

i remember when true did this homework assignment in kindergarten, planning the family firedrill. his was almost a perfect aerial floorplan of our house showing all the windows and doors as exit points. there were routes for each of us to escape through the nearest exit point in red.

alex fire escape plan.jpg
alex's rendition was a little different. to him, the assignment was more about the flames than the safety or the drill. actually, it doesn't look a thing like our house. and no, i don't have a thyroid problem. i asked that he give mommy a dress this time, i was sick of being asexual. won't be asking that again.

in short, the variety makes for fun but exhausting days. i'm happy not to have clones, but i've given up on expecting much similarity at all. different ends of the same gene pool, familiar yet repulsive to the other. best buds and mortal enemies. like i said, really reminds me of my brother and i.

and just guess which sibling i was? uh huh, big fucking mystery cliffhanger there.

Posted by shoe at October 17, 2006 07:00 PM | TrackBack


You were the...


you were just being facetious...


Posted by: RSM at October 17, 2006 09:03 PM

Great drawing. Better 'n mine...

Posted by: Michael at October 17, 2006 10:53 PM

My kid is a little of both, he is semi-instant gratification, usually dividing his goods to enjoy a bit later as well.

Kids . . . gotta love em!

Posted by: oddybobo at October 18, 2006 07:53 AM

My girls are totally like that. I would have never believed two more different kids could come from the same gene pool...

Nice dress, btw... ;-)

Posted by: Richmond at October 18, 2006 12:38 PM

Stolen candy - now that brings back memories. Before there were gummy bears, there were sugar-coated orange slices. And they were waaaaaay up on the top shelf of the cupboard where Mom figured we'd never find them. But when you're up against a five-year-old, there is no safe hiding place.

So I shared my discovery with my two older brothers, but we were careful not to eat every last one of them (lest Mom be on to us). We ate more than our fill, yet long about an hour after bedtime, we got a renewed hankerin for the spongy treats. So I was dispatched downstairs to forage.

You probably figure my brothers were taking advantage of me, making me risk a confrontation with dad's belt just to gratify their lust. But I was an eager volunteer. You see, as the youngest, I intuitively understood that I had plausible deniability. If I were caught, I'd immediately rat out the evil ones who'd inspired my larceny. Dad (as a youngest child himself) understood the bullying that little guys fall victim to. On the flip side, should I be apprehended, my brothers would be technically innocent of actually committing the crime themselves. It was a win-win.

So just as Peter and his guardian angel passed unseen by the guards of Herod's prison in Jerusalem, so my demon and I slunk down the stairs all the way to the kitchen - unhindered by the authorities. Thence I ascended the countertop as silently as a cat and secured the booty - three in hand and one in mouth. On my return trip along the downstairs hallway, I glanced into the living room, blue with the glow of "Gunsmoke" (and muffled with the voice of James Arness). Mom looked over at me and smiled. I smiled back, showing my gummy orange overbite.

My return to the upstairs dungeon was greeted with jubilation. I magnanimously shared the three orange slices in my tiny paw with my two older brothers - one for each of us. (The one so recently in my mouth was long gone and forgotten.)

Posted by: Bob at October 18, 2006 01:24 PM

I can't quit LMAO that he was saving it for later in his underwear. Good God. You can't make that stuff up.

I tell people when I had my 3rd, I expected him to be like one of the other two. To me, everything is binary, 1 or 0, black or white, yes or no. Wake up call. If I had 20 kids, they'd all be opposite.

Anyway, this post is hysterical. Holy crap. I can't quit laughing.

Posted by: Bou at October 19, 2006 05:14 AM

I save gum in my underwear all the time. What's wrong with that??

Posted by: zonker at October 19, 2006 07:12 AM

note to self: send shoe stickers and a case of gum........

So, do you have to check his underware for "savings" before you do laundry? ewwwww....

Posted by: Tammi at October 19, 2006 11:43 AM

Yeah Zonker, don't forget that Rob loved Shoe the most. Can't figger out which one was you but go Dow! It's really great being a SRF!

Posted by: Denny at October 19, 2006 03:55 PM

Who's the one legged mongoloid in that picture?

Posted by: RedNeck at October 19, 2006 04:53 PM

Whoa! Alex drew a picture of my house. The boy's a seer... after the fact.

Posted by: Dash at October 19, 2006 08:59 PM

neck, that's the mailbox. see the number? that's our meeting place.

Posted by: shoe at October 22, 2006 09:42 PM