November 09, 2006
cootchie chou, lurky lou?
Back in the late days of the bicentennial, it is said that I was some sort of legend on our block. A budding capitalist? That's how I like to portray it.
Seems for spare change I'd drop my panties and show the neighbor boys my cootchie. Now, this could (I hope) be a complete fabrication. I swear I have no memories to support the allegations. In fact, I'd prefer we call it older brother memory manipulation. Evil bastard, I wouldn't put it past him considering the now obvious long term damage.
I mean, here I sit. Not much progress thirty years later. Privates popping out at the most wretched google searches known to man. Why the hell do I do this? I have no idea. How do I keep it interesting? That's easy, I don't.
So this year, I have a simple birthday wish. I've shown you mine, now show me yours. And don't hold out, I read a lot of blogs. I see the kind of unadulterated asslicking that goes down at other sites. Not here. Not ever. What gives?
I want minions, just for one day. I want never ending narcissistic comments in the hundreds. I want them all to be about me and the wonder that is my blodge. And if I have to raise my rates, so fucking be it. This cootchie has been a steal at just under pocket change since birth.
You get the picture, my honeys. Make up shit if you have to, but get to work. Birthday girl wakes in 7 hours, and she wants to be blown away.
Posted by shoe at November 9, 2006 10:18 PM | TrackBackMaybe you should reconsider your former money-making scheme - your milkshake could bring all the boys to the yard...
If I read this right, your birthday is today so HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHOE!!! (Dang, we were born two days apart, same year - '71 was a good 'un)
Posted by: Lisa W. at November 10, 2006 05:52 AMI will worship at thine Bloggy Altar, O Chou
They really ain't anyone as sweet as You
Let acolytes bring sacrifice and never stop
Singing the praises of dat ol' Chou Chope
[And if what Lisa says is true
A most excellent Happy Boithday, Shoe!]
You make kick-ass chicken pot pies for the bloggy multitudes, you're never afraid to drink the blodge juice, you're totally in-touch with your inner crazy lady (as I learned to my bloggish chagrin) and now you even learned to capitalize letters. Dayum. I hope you have the bestest birthday ever, Shoe. I'm truly glad that you decided to show up in NOLA to hang with us. Fa reals, as they say.
Posted by: zonker at November 10, 2006 07:15 AMHappiest of days. Hell, I will show you mine without reciprocation, I just roll that way. Birthday candles taste like waxy turds. Do not ask me how I know this. Milkbones taste just like you think they would. Do not ask me how I know this. Take the day off on Saturday. Drink a beer. Think of me, or not. Hug the boys and have a good day.
Posted by: hoosierboy at November 10, 2006 08:04 AMYou say "I have a simple birthday wish. I've shown you mine, now show me yours."...
I wish I could but it fell off a couple years ago and I can't find it...
I have vague memories of what it looked like...
Happy Birthday shoe
Posted by: jerry at November 10, 2006 10:03 AMHappy Birthday dear sweet Shoe!
And I will tip my glass as I am older than you!
May your day be filled with blodgy fun,
(Please keep your cootchie shaded from the sun.)
May beer flow freely and cake come your way,
Combined with young men's hugs - have a great day!
As acolades go, this one is rhymey and dumb.
But I do still wish you tons of fun.
Happy Birthday Shoe!
Hey birthday girl! Send me some Saturday Boobage!
Posted by: Denny at November 10, 2006 11:40 AMDo we share a birthday? Happy Birthday, girl!!! And Lisa's is just the day before...man I do smell a blogmeet THEME coming on...say next year???
Posted by: Kelly at November 10, 2006 11:42 AMWomen are all crazy bitches. All of them except for Shoe, that is. She's the best. I love her even when she doesn't paint her toenails red.
Posted by: The Ghost Of Acidman Past at November 10, 2006 01:30 PMHappy, Happy Birthday baby. (sung to the tune of some old '60s or '70s song) and which I forget the rest of.
May your day be happy and bright. (some other old song from another season).
Ah Hell! Just have a good'un.
Posted by: kdzu at November 10, 2006 04:18 PMHappy Birthday!
Posted by: Bou at November 10, 2006 04:22 PMYou also look great naked...if you don't believe me, ask Velociman!!!!
Posted by: Yabu at November 10, 2006 04:32 PMBig happy birthday, big-sis. You look tempestuously teasing in that pic up there.
And you share a birthday with the entire United States Marine Corps. I can't even begin to describe how hauntingly appropriate that is.
Now if I knew you weren't such a sucker for the uniforms, I'd order a few to show you their birthday suits.
GOC told me to come over here and say "Happy Birthday"
Mission Accomplished
nuff said?
Posted by: TC at November 10, 2006 05:01 PMIf I was going to be friends with one person who listened to peace-sign-waving, commie-lovin', pinko librul musicians, I'd want that person to be you.
Posted by: M at November 10, 2006 05:19 PMWe loves da Shoe! Happy Boitday from da Garden State!
Posted by: Jim - PRS at November 10, 2006 06:54 PMNever visited here before, but obviously I've stumbled across it on your birthday. It must be karma. Where's the cake?
Posted by: Peggy U at November 10, 2006 08:40 PMSorry! So caught up in visions of cake - HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Posted by: Peggy U at November 10, 2006 08:41 PMRoses are Red
Violets are blue,
Wanna see Shoe's Coochie?
Me Too!
We are not worthy of your wit and beauty, you are far above us all,
So For this very special day,
I hope you have a Ball!
(I should get a job at Hallmark)
Happy, Happy Birthday Shoe, see you in September...
Well... let's see if I have any spare pocket change.
Happy Birthday from your numero uno minion.
Posted by: Dash at November 10, 2006 10:02 PMI'd give you a pie but you are too far away! So, Happy Birthday to you! may you get a conveniently wrapped police officer on your front door.
Posted by: Oddybobo at November 10, 2006 10:26 PMHappy Belated Birthday, Shoe. You are simply the greatest, evah!
Great post.
Posted by: That 1 Guy at November 10, 2006 11:15 PMHappy B-day. Fellow cedar hacker.
Posted by: kerrcarto at November 11, 2006 12:31 AMWell, son of a bitch, I'm flippin' late again.
Ok ok ok. Shoe wants "never ending narcissistic comments in the hundreds". Yeah yeah yeah, whatever....
Ok - I think you're really really cool and uhhh I really love your site and uhhh you're really really sweet and uhhh yeah. That's a couple comments anyway.
Happy Birthday Girl Friend! I hope this weekend is off the charts for ya! ;-)
Posted by: Tammi at November 11, 2006 12:50 PMOne of your occasional lurkey-lous here -- Don't comment much, but every time I click on your blog from some other source, you crack my ass up. As a long-time single mom (thank GOD mine are, for the most part grown and gone, having survived into adulthood as lovely, intelligent, self-sufficient young women with an acceptable ratio of body piercings and tats) I crack up at your kidlet stories (and BTW, those soccer pics a few entries down are just adorable) and wax nostalgic over them on a regular basis. Love your writing and your wit -- you're obviously a remarkable young woman and I thoroughly enjoy all my visits here. Keep up the fine work, and a Happy Birthday to you!
Posted by: Marianne at November 12, 2006 01:33 AM... happy birthday, Shoe.... you are the bomb..... (I would have commented earlier, but I was partying down in celebration of your birthday with a bunch of bloggers in Hotlanta this weekend.. ).. heh!..
O glorious shoe,
how do I love thee?
Let me count the ways.
Thou art more lovely than the buds in May...
Your beauty doth glow in thine own special way.
Thou dost arrange the bloggy things with great care,
All the while appearing as the most fair.
Ummm... there's about a hunnerd other ways, too. I just ain't got the brains to rhyme 'em all. Damn.
Sorry I'm late with this, but the feelings have no less sincerity.
Walrilla
Posted by: Walrilla at November 13, 2006 01:16 PMMartha! - you have nuthin on Martha Carranza. Ahhh, how well I remember "going all the way" with that floozy. I was the ripe old age of five. I think she was six, maybe even seven (beware older women). Anyway, there we were in the crawl space under her house - she giggled and ask me what color my underpants were. I scoffed - as if anyone wears anything but white (well, least ways, mine were mostly white - 'cept for that brown skidmark). But lo, hers were ... [dramatic pause] ... pink! And I'm not talking pink like stuff that mom accidently washes with a red shirt, but shocking (dare I say "hot") pink. I know this for a fact. She showed me her wasteband. So, what else could I do? I showed her my "Fruit of the Loom" label. (A might uncomfortable giving yourself a wedgy like that, but I proved my point.)
[Sigh] There, I feel so much better now. It's been tough keeping that bottled up for these past 50 years. So there you have it - I have nothing more to hide. Stories of your coochie may be the invention of a demented older brother, but (believe me) there was more fabric than fabrication to Martha Carranza's undies.
Oh yeah, I almost forgot, "Love your blog."
Posted by: Bob at November 13, 2006 01:40 PMHope you had a Happy Happy Birthday!!!!!! Love your blog!!!
Posted by: Jolie at November 14, 2006 06:09 PMHappy Birthday you Horn lovin' cootchie showin' blue eyed momma from Tejas. Sorry I'm late, but it obviously took a a week or two to think up that smooth line above.
May you have many more.
Want a pinch to grow an inch? You can pick where, for both, the pinch and the inch...
Posted by: RedNeck at November 15, 2006 06:30 PMWell, heck. I'll just have ta' wish you a late Happy Birthday...
Hey, this way the accolades, they keep'a show'ring down.
At least, I hope it's accolades that's been showering down.......
I'm late, but happy birthday from another ass-lickin moron.
Posted by: Richard at November 16, 2006 07:51 PM