January 11, 2007

financial unrest

I'm driving home from True's school. I could do it blindfolded, s curve and all. I know every mailbox, every driveway. It's twelve miles all told, but snakes along the river. It winds and shifts, crests and dips. It's a beautiful drive really.

Bikers die here every weekend. I mean, every weekend. Seems like folks just get too confident, a little heavy on the gas, i guess. Some of those curves are just not forgiving, the rocks even less so.

So I'm heading back from the school and I am stuck behind a huge flatbed hauling hay bales. Holy Moses. Slow as fuck and late to work. Again. Great.

I pick up the speed. I figure if I hug the back of this hay hauling monstrosity for a quarter mile or so, then when we get to the straightaway, I can dart on past him. I hug, I excel, I take the left, OH SHIT, F-350!! I brake and it feels like eternity waiting for that hay truck to get by on my right. I yank the wheel right, just as the road snakes left, and that is where my day ended right in the beginning. FUCK.

I don't know how I missed the guardrail, but it was a fortunate thing. Had I been a couple of feet further down the road, i'd have been wearing it, and there's no way I would be posting this now.

The bad thing is, as soon as my tires left the pavement they hit what amounted to a mudslide topped with fresh gravel. It gave the appearance of traction, but there was absolutely no slowing the centrifugal force of my car plowing down the short embankment sideways into the river.

When the front bumper went under, I remember thinking I didn't think the river was that deep here. But when I saw the mud going straight up the passenger side window, I was almost euphoric, like what am I looking at? So surreal. I could barely move and it was all happening so excruciatingly slow anyway.

I guess I shouldn't rant about all those other fucktards out there, eh? Kharma is a bitch. Look for the new side of chou in the coming year.

Anyway. I crawled out the window and looked stunning in my fall suit caked with mud. I was sopping wet from the waist down and looked like I had feces randomly spattered across my face. I lost one of my shoes. It was awful. Not to mention all the kind people who stopped to help. Ugh. I just wanted to hide my flithy face. Why couldn't I at least be maimed into a must-have-morphine state, for crying out loud?

I trudged up the embankment. I had to get out of there. It was eight a.m. and every client I had was driving that road and rubbernecking at the fucking 4Runner in the river. Is that my broker? Every moment sucked now.

I hitched a ride, more or less, to town and went to my office. It was pathetic. I realized how unprepared I was for this. How was I going to get my car out? How was I going to get a replacement? I haven't had a car payment in four years. Ugh. I used the phone at my office to arrange rides home from school for the boys and then I walked to my house, still caked in mud. Still shoeless.

I don't remember much from last night. The boys came home but the migraine persisted, unreal. The stress, indescribable. Sleep was the same, fitful. I tossed and turned, thinking about car notes and mudslides and shame and failure and another ugly life mess to clean up. I hurt all over.

And then I woke up. I went straight to the garage and there was my car. Right where I left it. No mud. I should have been relieved, but it sure was a shitty day at the office. My neck hurt and, man, was I tired. Too busy destroying my life as I sleep.

Ah, but the bills are paid and I'm sure to get a good night's rest tonight. If I do go out driving again, I'd like to go somewhere relaxing for a change. I'm thinking Yellowstone in the late summer? But don't freaking animal jam me, people, because there is no telling what I might do. You know the R in REM stands roadrage, right? You have been warned.

Happy trails to you. And drive friendly, the Texas way.

Posted by shoe at January 11, 2007 08:07 PM | TrackBack

Holy. Frickin'. Crap.

What an unbelievable story.

Okay.......the important thing, as I'm sure half the state of Texas must have told you by now, is that you're okay.


(((get well/make life better for Chou vibes))) being sent your way.

Posted by: Erica at January 11, 2007 08:24 PM

hey, erica, it was a dream. the drive, the wreck, all of it. i'm fine. i probably should have made that more clear.

BUT please don't go thinking it's cool to just die in your sleep. that, my friends, may be the harriest way out of all. just saying.

Posted by: shoe at January 11, 2007 08:37 PM

durn, you had me going for a while...

it's always nice to wake up and find your self ok..

Posted by: jerry at January 11, 2007 09:27 PM

didja go back and find the shoe?

Posted by: marcus at January 11, 2007 09:43 PM

Time for a dream-reading. What do you think this REALLY means?

Posted by: Lisa W. at January 11, 2007 09:48 PM

Okay, why did everyone get that that was a dream except me?

I'm so ashamed of my density.

Posted by: Erica at January 11, 2007 10:05 PM

I highly recommend Yellowstone in the summer. I've been there several times. You can't find sights like that anywhere else in the world.

Posted by: Dash at January 11, 2007 10:06 PM

I think I'll take my not very detailed dreams of my teeth falling out, thank.you.very.much!

Posted by: Bou at January 12, 2007 06:39 AM

Damn it Shoe. You almost got me......

But you might want to lay off the tequila at night. A nice sippin' scotch or even better a glass of wine. Yeah, much better dreams that way.


Posted by: Tammi at January 12, 2007 07:54 AM

Dayum, girl. Next time you stop by, I'm thinking you need to stay longer.

Glad it was a dream.


Posted by: Christina at January 12, 2007 08:02 AM

... whoa...

Posted by: Eric at January 12, 2007 09:08 AM

Glad that it was a dream. Mud is a bitch to clean out of car seats :)

Yellowstone is purty in the summer, I prefer the Tetons however, less traffic, nicer smells.

Posted by: oddybobo at January 12, 2007 10:30 AM

Dream? That was a friggin' DREAM? Dayum, I was worried for a minute there.

Posted by: zonker at January 12, 2007 10:43 AM

The way your truck went in the dream...That's the way I ski.

Posted by: Denny at January 12, 2007 03:02 PM

you really had me going there!

ps, how come your site won't remember my comments? Karma for the hub's site not remebering yours?

Posted by: holder at January 12, 2007 05:07 PM

Sweetie, I'll go with you to Wyo - I got some peeps there....

Posted by: Richmond at January 12, 2007 07:56 PM

Had me worried for a sec.

Animal jams... you're setting yourself up, girl.

It do be beautiful, but be ready to stop for folks looking at all kinds of animals. Especially the ones that aren't really there.

Posted by: That 1 Guy at January 12, 2007 08:51 PM

Now that I've read yours, I am almost afraid to go to sleep.

Posted by: Richard at January 13, 2007 08:06 PM

I forgot to say earlier as you described walking to work all muddy that all I could think about was V-Man wallowing in the mud at Helen after too much Chatham artillery Punch.

Posted by: Denny at January 15, 2007 11:09 PM