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polarrhoids and preparation X

I've been putting it off a long time, but I can't any longer. Has it been bothering you, beloved?

I remember a melancholy day during my freshman year at Texas. I was taking a sociology class and I almost left in tears after our professor described how my dear generation X would never attain status, success, or really even have access to the top teir leadership positions opportuned by our fair nation.

That's when the blame train came. The reason given? This gluttony of bodies in front of us, the numbers unfathomable, the future unchangeable. I can't recall it at all, nothing specific about that lecture remains, other than the feeling of hopelessness when class let out that day. I wondered all the way to west campus if it was even worth the money and effort to get the degree I was seeking. Why? I was just going to get in a long line behind an arrogant life-sucking babyboomer. Farkin boomers. Early birds.

Then one night this past weekend as I'm watching the whole Democratic primary take shape, I remembered a haunting phrase.

"Your next President will be Hillary Rodham Clinton."

I heard that about two years ago while I was in NYC for a conference. The speaker was an adviser to a mega money management establishment up that way. His background must have been sociology, but his speech that day focused on the patterns and habits of the baby boom generation.

He spoke of the deep polarity. He spoke of the Viet Nam era and mentioned that for every anti-war hippie, there was a same-aged boomer on the other side of the picket line in a uniform.

The basis of his Hill-theory: the largest segment of the world's population has been at odds with itself ever since the generation hit puberty. It's what defines them.

He said the baby boomers would occupy the office of Presidency from here to the forseeable future. Further, that the office would oscillate from one extreme to the next, like a pendulum, for that's what the baby boomers know and love the most, debate, disagreement and the ensuing battle, all hail polarity!

Which brings us back into the present. I move we make some generational labeling changes. For effectively turning our nation into a quibbling, anti-depressant guzzling, angry mob in six short decades, and for being addicted to the disagreement, and for mass producing stomach acid in us all, Polarrhoids, I think, is a more fitting moniker for the baby boom generation. Even though their financial impact has meant nearly every success to date, that term speaks nothing of the true nature of boomers. Plus, if I have to endure watching years more of these solutionless assbags on television all night, don't y'all think it would help clarify the debate if we at least went ahead and called a spade a spade?

And to my beloved Xers, I move for another name change. Preparation X. Mainly, because there's not much else we can do. Just soothe the sphincter and watch as each polarrhoid out-asses the next. Other than greasing the gate, we simply don't have the numbers. Just accept the shit. Lube, baby, that's you!

Posted by shoe at January 26, 2007 06:25 AM | TrackBack