January 26, 2007

polarrhoids and preparation X

I've been putting it off a long time, but I can't any longer. Has it been bothering you, beloved?

I remember a melancholy day during my freshman year at Texas. I was taking a sociology class and I almost left in tears after our professor described how my dear generation X would never attain status, success, or really even have access to the top teir leadership positions opportuned by our fair nation.

That's when the blame train came. The reason given? This gluttony of bodies in front of us, the numbers unfathomable, the future unchangeable. I can't recall it at all, nothing specific about that lecture remains, other than the feeling of hopelessness when class let out that day. I wondered all the way to west campus if it was even worth the money and effort to get the degree I was seeking. Why? I was just going to get in a long line behind an arrogant life-sucking babyboomer. Farkin boomers. Early birds.

Then one night this past weekend as I'm watching the whole Democratic primary take shape, I remembered a haunting phrase.

"Your next President will be Hillary Rodham Clinton."

I heard that about two years ago while I was in NYC for a conference. The speaker was an adviser to a mega money management establishment up that way. His background must have been sociology, but his speech that day focused on the patterns and habits of the baby boom generation.

He spoke of the deep polarity. He spoke of the Viet Nam era and mentioned that for every anti-war hippie, there was a same-aged boomer on the other side of the picket line in a uniform.

The basis of his Hill-theory: the largest segment of the world's population has been at odds with itself ever since the generation hit puberty. It's what defines them.

He said the baby boomers would occupy the office of Presidency from here to the forseeable future. Further, that the office would oscillate from one extreme to the next, like a pendulum, for that's what the baby boomers know and love the most, debate, disagreement and the ensuing battle, all hail polarity!

Which brings us back into the present. I move we make some generational labeling changes. For effectively turning our nation into a quibbling, anti-depressant guzzling, angry mob in six short decades, and for being addicted to the disagreement, and for mass producing stomach acid in us all, Polarrhoids, I think, is a more fitting moniker for the baby boom generation. Even though their financial impact has meant nearly every success to date, that term speaks nothing of the true nature of boomers. Plus, if I have to endure watching years more of these solutionless assbags on television all night, don't y'all think it would help clarify the debate if we at least went ahead and called a spade a spade?

And to my beloved Xers, I move for another name change. Preparation X. Mainly, because there's not much else we can do. Just soothe the sphincter and watch as each polarrhoid out-asses the next. Other than greasing the gate, we simply don't have the numbers. Just accept the shit. Lube, baby, that's you!

Posted by shoe at January 26, 2007 06:25 AM | TrackBack

.. damn, I'm depressed now.... I'm going back to bed...

Posted by: Eric at January 26, 2007 07:58 AM

Thank you for that . . . interesting . . . picture this am. I'm thoroughly depressed. However, its time to get my lube on and run over some rhoids in the upcoming primary!!

Posted by: Oddybobo at January 26, 2007 08:13 AM

Polarrhoids, indeed.

They'll be sorry one day...and have to eat crow-dachrome.

Posted by: Elisson at January 26, 2007 10:57 AM

Oh crap! I'm now a Polarrhoid?

Posted by: Denny at January 26, 2007 11:07 AM

Back when I was a wee pup, I used to sit and think about how much more reasonable political debate would be after all the old fogies of my grandparents generation shuffled off this mortal coil. Surely after I was in my 30's and ready to help take over the reins of power, all the old reactionary intolerant throwbacks would be drooling on themselves in nursing homes.

Then, the hippy-flippy Me!Me!Me! boomers all had kids, and magically morphed into minivan-driving, Baby On Board safety freaks, and the screws on individual liberties just got tighter.

Nah, the situation remains the same, no matter what year it is. I'm sure my gramma would have been a marvellous flapper, were it not for her old fuddy-duddy stick-in-the-mud Victorian parents.

Posted by: El Capitan at January 26, 2007 11:39 AM

As impacted as the nation is by us boomers, despair not. After Hillary has grown large and rent the body politic, then she too shall pass and enter that swirling stygian stream. Then we who are left of that lamentable narcissistic wad will join with you X'ers and cry out in one voice, "Let the healing begin."

Posted by: Bob at January 26, 2007 01:37 PM

I'm not polarized. I hate all of my fellow boomers. Right wing or left wing they're all a bunch of weepy-assed self-indulgent crybabies. I blame it on modern medicine. Smallpox, or polio, or diptheria should have culled our numbers. We evaded any pernicious swine influenzas. There's just too damned many of us. Even AIDS didn't smite us like it was supposed to.

On the positive side half of us will have our prostates blow out shortly. So there's that.

Posted by: Velociman at January 26, 2007 11:12 PM

Best post ever.

Posted by: zonker at January 27, 2007 04:13 PM

Brilliant, Chou. Just brilliant. :-)

::passes the lube::

Posted by: Richmond at January 29, 2007 02:43 PM

You are a flippin' genius. You need to go on the road with this wisdom. The Shoe Show. I'll be your manager...


Posted by: Tammi at February 2, 2007 08:30 AM

Heh. And I caught hell for leaving the "weiner delight" title up over a week... ;D Regarding the suckiness of being "x", hey, at least we got named. Sort of.

Posted by: Key at February 2, 2007 09:49 AM