chou chope

Psychobitch, Ignited

So back to the matter at hand. Thursday night, Alex brought me a piece of paper when I asked about his homework. He told me all I had to do was put names into the computer. He knows I like the computer, so he thought I'd be all over it.

Names in the computer? Hmmm.

Unfortunately, as my own psychobitch was flaring, I must have ignited the paper because it is long gone. However, it was a salespitch, the same kind I wrote about back when True bought into the whole salesgig thing, back in 2005. This time, a new twist as it was all online driven.

Basically, it's an exciting opportunity for our school to enhance our reading program. ALL we have to do, is go to our computer at home in the next 6 hours (before the next school day) and enter a dozen email addresses & that's it!! Alex will receive a plush stuffed animal, a flying chicken for his work, and every mini soul in that kinder class wants to win that chicken. The fever is unreal.

I had a two word answer for Alex that left him bawling. He cried and cried and said it was his homework and he was going to be in trouble. Major drama that night, very uncharacteristic of Alex, that erupted over and over again until bedtime.

And because I'm an earlybird blown-eye, I hit the box pre shower every day. Oddly enough, Friday morning, Alex surfaced, sales pitch in hand at 6 in the morning, and once again begged me to enter the names.

Y'all, heartbreak must be the primary contributing factor in all psychobitch outbreaks. At six a.m., I just can not deal with my baby boy crying because he doesn't understand why mommy hates his homework or why I want to make him the only outcast kinder kid that doesn't get the glorious stuffed flying chicken. THE HORROR!

Hey, I think I've admitted one or two times I'm not that good at this.

Well, that in fact, ignited my psychobitch which I, in turn, read on my young republican's face as a total Kerry styled reversal. All of the sudden, Alex was fine with me not entering the names and his quest became keeping me from going to his school to discuss just why they were turning my baby into a spam artist for Readers freaking Digest?? You mean they aren't already bankrupt? You think this will save them?

Oh, but go I did. Had a meeting with the principal and it was entirely unproductive, as most psychobitch outbreaks are. She assured me that she herself had played guinea pig and tried the program. She, of course, remembered to plug how reputable reader's digest IS (was, ever?), you know, that brought to you byline of our culture? ANYONE, explain to me what is reputable about extorting sales leads from 6 year olds? ANYONE?? You want to see psychobitch? Try and swill-sell this saleswoman and I'll take your firstborn, just on principle. It makes me mad as hell.

When the principal asked how I thought she should resolve this issue, I said it was simple, give Alex a chicken and we'll be over it. She said, "His mommy can buy him a chicken, " which, holy fuck, it's amazing I didn't maim her for life right then. I hate being spoken to in third person! Is she trying to mess with me?

I made a really unbelievably graceful (I thought) exit, although, I'm certain the smoke was still pouring out my ears as I left, I was fuming. Still, you can't fight city hall and why even try?

You reap what you sow, and so do those fuctards out there.

Posted by shoe at April 1, 2007 09:30 AM | TrackBack