April 15, 2007

Marquis de Zonk

The term sadism derived from his name. Makes sense to me, and you, mon cherie?

Of course I'm speaking of the ever vile, yet always ambiguous Zonquero. Just a fortnight ago I was speaking to him about my computer issues. You know, darlings, I am fraught with computer issues. I don't fucking get it. I only use the stupid thing to write email, not exactly multi media techno masterpieces, ya know? Still, it's only a year old and it seizes up as often as Fred Sanford.

I'd rather call RSM. Not only is he technologically savvy, he is also easy to imagine all pected out in a pair of camo pants, maybe waxing my wood floors... Mock Me, Baby.jpg
Nasty boy, he is just as sick as Zonker when it comes to teasing me. I'd like to teach him a lesson or two about cleaning, but first, push ups. Yeah, push ups...

But, I don't call RSM with my goofy seizure issues. Which IS odd considering he has a lot of experience in the health and tech services. Ahhhhh, service men. Still, he's got a BAD case of mac envy. One that I can't cure with my small insignificant garage-built-by-stoners-in-Austin, fuctard class-action sued Dell piece of SHIT!! Agh. Sorry, peeps. To say I'm frustrated would be a wee bit understated.

By the way, is it as confusing to read this as it is to write? Just wondering.

So I'm on the phone with Zonk. And I'm missing you all so, I can't stand it. A whole weekend with no children, I can laze around like the champions. But it's seizureville in casa de chou, again. Post something? Or, perhaps throw this fucking box through the front window, I just don't know...

I call Zonk. Mistake, perhaps, at least sexsurely speaking. That retard starts going on and on and on about his small insignificant hard drive. And something else about how it never felt good enough or big enough when he was out surfing. It just made him feel, well, like he didn't measure up, frankly.

I mean, look around you. There are a lot of much, much bigger blodgers out there. Zonk definitely had a point.

Still, typical of fucking men, I call him with a problem, my problem, and he found a way to make it all about him! Dude, I needed help. This wasn't supposed to be all about you and your tiny insignificant & impotent hard drive. HOLY SHEESH!! I suprise myself, at my age, with a third a century under my belt, and I never saw that coming. For shame, chou, really, shame on me.

So where was I? Zonk is going on and on and on (you think I'm kidding) about his weak lil hard drive and telling me they have these stores now where they have all kinds of external devices you can buy. This solved Zonk's sociointranet woes, because he found some kind of bionic hard drive apparatus that when he blodges with it, gives him great satisfaction. Apparently, it's worked and has led all of us to believe that Zonk is just plugging away out there, not a care in the world. Not so, my precious peep eyes, not so.

Yikes. Let me tell you, it was obvious that I struck a nerve with the Marquis de Zonk. I think I fell asleep a couple of times listening to him talk about how he was super zonk thanks to that device. That's all I remember, I said night night. Passed out and when I woke up I found this in my inbox:

zonker hide details Apr 13 (2 days ago)
to chouchope@gmail.com
date Apr 13, 2007 10:34 PM
subject External Hard Drives
signed-by yahoo.com
mailed-by yahoo.com

Great big throbbing hard drives...

See. You all think I'm the perv, but you don't see what goes on between the HTML sheets. It's hard out here for a mommy. And the blown eyeds? They are a seriously unrelenting and resourceful bunch.

Ciao, Bellas. See ya round the sphere!

Posted by shoe at April 15, 2007 10:42 AM | TrackBack

Revealing the inadequacies of my hardware, eh? I'm classifying you as a MILD: Mom I'd Like to Delink.

Posted by: zonker at April 15, 2007 01:28 PM

Shoe - We all know that Rob liked you better than he did Zonker. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Posted by: Denny at April 15, 2007 02:48 PM

So, uhm, how do I get someone to talk dirty to me?

Posted by: holder at April 15, 2007 04:28 PM

You should have joined us tonight. We would have talked dirty to you.

Posted by: Denny at April 15, 2007 09:02 PM

Is that really me?

and what in the world is "all pected out"?

And you should know Zonker will never be satisfied with any hard drive he gets his hands on. He's always looking for more more more.

Posted by: RSM at April 15, 2007 09:04 PM

Am I a bad girl if I say I really liked the picture of RSM on his hands and knees and....(faints)

And Zonker!! You KNOW it's not the SIZE of the hard drive, it's the RAM that counts... baby, it's all about the RAM.....

(faints again)

Posted by: Nancy at April 16, 2007 11:23 AM

Nancy! I'm shocked!!

and you aren't the only one, the ole gmail account is filling up with quivering women. YES, that's really RSM!!

See RSM, i told you camo & cleaning was an untapped pron market. With my mind and your matter, RSM darlin, we'll both make out like bandits.

Posted by: shoe at April 16, 2007 12:55 PM

Funny Denny should mention that....about talking dirty...I just dug this gem up from Rob (of blessed memory) in my stash of never-deleted emails from him: "Wanna call me and talk dirty to me in a Brooklyn accent? Acidman"

Eat ya hearts out.

Although I chickened out and never took him up on the offer, so I'm eating my own heart out. Damn!

Posted by: Erica at April 16, 2007 03:55 PM

That's all right Erica. You can talk dirty to me in Kerrville.

Posted by: Denny at April 16, 2007 08:43 PM

I guess you got the best side of RSM in that picture, but I'm not faintin' over it or anything like that... What got me was the:

"One that I can't cure with my small insignificant garage-built-by-stoners-in-Austin, fuctard class-action sued Dell piece of SHIT!!"

That... is a classic. May I use it in the future? Please?

Posted by: RedNeck at April 17, 2007 10:43 AM

I swear, the more I read that, the more I like it...

Is Dennis Miller on your staff?

Posted by: RedNeck at April 17, 2007 10:44 AM

I don't know who he is being this is the first time for me to comment here but he sure has a nice looking butt.

Posted by: Becky at April 17, 2007 06:54 PM

Denny...you're on!

Posted by: Erica at April 18, 2007 12:11 PM

Oh my stars!! The things I learn on the interwebs... There are whole levels of pron of which I was never even aware.

Nice picture... ;-)

Posted by: Richmond at April 18, 2007 01:41 PM

Almost as classic as that thing you posted about "the fucktard quotient going through the roof" at work a few months ago -- you do know how to turn a phrase, my dear! =]

Posted by: at April 18, 2007 10:13 PM

Now if only she would post more often.

Posted by: Denny at April 20, 2007 11:34 AM