June 05, 2005

i fell in love with the poo poo man

want to hear about my worst date ever? the date that convinced me that lonliness ain't so bad..

i once met a guy at a chamber event. he owned a septic business. i convinced myself it was ok to go out with him, since at least he owned the business, not like he was playing in the shit himself...

boy, was i wrong...he told septic jokes from start to finish. he called himself "the 2004 world terd herdin champion." as if that would have been enough, it was the tip of the iceberg. he also asked if i noticed his giant hose... he told someone (some random someone) he cleaned out my system and i really needed to work on my diet. there was no escaping the fact that i was out on the town with the poo poo man, oh glorious wonderful me...

besides being vile company, he did not share my lust for men in uniform. we walked on the patio and there was a cutie pie policeman on duty. my date turned to me and in the most sinister voice he said, "i hate fuckin cops"

ok, now i'm out with a wanted criminal? you don't tell a date that...shame on him. around that time he revealed a tattoo of a gigantic dagger with a swastika in the middle of it.. deal breaker, wtf?

i never really got to know the man. he was cute, but that was all. in short i learned that there is no reason to make justifications, if you're not alright with hanging out with someone, then going along just to see if they have redeeming qualities is a wasted enterprise.

i learned that you can take the man out of the shit, but you can't take the shit out of the man.

thanks to the fine firemen of new hampshire who were visiting that hunter's weekend and were kind enough to deliver me one moment of clarity. one of them turned to me and said, "you are a nice girl, none of us can figure out what the hell you're doing out with the terd herder??" ah, touche. sometimes those moments of truth can only come from a disinterested third party. on that note, i made my escape...

Posted by shoe at June 5, 2005 11:03 AM | TrackBack