December 31, 2005

resolution revolution

what gives? why incorporate a whole list of get with its for the coming year? it just seems to forshadow more failure, in my meager mind at least. i remember such resolutions from new years past, like cigarette free in, not this year. can't do it to myself again.

this year i resolve to work on everyone else's problems. here i would like to make some suggestions for everyone else to work on and i know i'll be a happier person if you can just make it so.

1. non-blondes: what is with the brown haired folk that refer to themselves as blonde because they were when they were 5 years old? look in a mirror. if your hair is not blonde NOW then stop referring to yourself as blonde. it indicates that you derive some sort of self worth by virtue of hair color, and if you're not 5 anymore, it's time to get over it. enough.

2. traffic regulators: drive in the right lane, all the time. pass on the left. the department of public safety isn't going to give you a commendation for clogging up the passing lane because you feel the need to set the going speed on your own. and it just might get you hurt, my own road rage is growing increasingly rampant due to your fuckwad antics.

3. blog whores: my fucking eyes. i love the blog world, for the most part. there are a couple of blogs i read with great regularity simply to hate on the bitches. i even call blight up from time to time to hate them with me. they use the internet as a place to post their nudey shots and dildo stories and they lure others to their sites in the comments. i know men dig this, but i do not. if your life is so freaking pathetic that you have decided to flirt with nameless faceless men on the internet, you are begging for disaster. funny how often they mix stories of how their kids are fucked up with their own stories of indiscretion. hmmm, i wonder why?? have some respect for yourself. if we were all supermodels, it would be another story. but mostly i see what equates to the size 24 woman with thighs and gut spilling out of the short shorts at walmart. heave, ladies. respect yourself. if you want to flirt, be my guest. but how bout sending an email or an instant message instead? the internet already has a huge white trash element, no reason to try and excel in this venue. discretion. try it, you might find it works better than giving it all away at the sale barn for free.

ok, ok. that's all i resolve for everyone else now. but think of this exercise as a meme for me. post the little changes you to would like to see in the comments or at your own place and link this spot. and if you think i'm off my rocker, let me have it. afterall, i resolve to fix nothing about myself. i'm simply too fucked up and i really wouldn't know where to start.

HAPPY NEW YEAR, BLOGPEEPS!! i love ya so consider yourself smooched at midnight.

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December 30, 2005

missed manners

true, "give me that toy, please"

alex, "no"

true, "you have to, i said the magic word-please"

alex, "no, and that's not the magic word"

true, "then what is the magic word?"

alex, "open sesame"

uhhhhh, ok, and....

me, "alex, stop kicking the back of my seat, that hurts"

alex, "yes, ma'am, and noooooooo thank you"

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December 29, 2005

unexpected gang bang

well, i'm back in the saddle, my friends... did not expect to reach the 10k mark when i put up my big bend post. but thanks to denny and rob, i blew on to eleven thousand before i could get my blog boots back on. sincere thanks to all of you for making my christmas dream come true.

the vacation visitation impeded my blogrhythms, i'm sore to say the least. i can barely tawk. have had lots of post ideas swimming around in my head, sadly most of them drowned from lack of oxygen. hope to revive some of the topics and be back spewing nonsense at you with no shame soon.

oh, and the vacation was sublime, the scenery unrivaled and the company was top notch. very memorable. but like a short nap, it was just enough estatic wonderment to make me a downright cranky bitch on my return. just enough fun to make me realize how truly mundane my life really is.

further, i'm suffering from a santa hangover. too many back to back late nights and returning to work for the end of the year freak out has been less than exhilirating.

thanks again for coming by precious peeps. i'm back to my usual twenty or so regular readers which is more doable for me. don't get me wrong, i love the linkage, but the pressure to perform makes me impotent. performance anxiety is such a bitch.

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December 19, 2005

all i want for christmas..

I really can't stay I've got to go away This evening has been So very nice My mother will start to worry Father will be pacing the floor Really i better hurry Well maybe just a half a drink more

tis the season, my jolly blogfellows. zee christmas crunch. nutty like a fruitcake, i am i am, but all is very well.the kiddos went to their dad's on saturday. he's his usual scrooge ass self, and normally i would be scraping rock bottom heading towards christmas with no kiddos, no pee in your pants cause santa is almost here excitement stirring in the shoe box. it's normally bluesville, but not this time.

this year, i've got a new beau. let's call em "spur" just for grins. he's a texas boy, a good one and we are heading out at o dark thirty for a holyday getaway. a place i've never been but have turned green with envy at hearing other's tales. no television. no cell phone coverage. no intranets. just mountains, hiking and lollygaggin at our leisure. Big Bend National Park.
oh, baby, it's going to be cold outside. but don't worry, we're lodging it. and just so ya know, the coffee beans are ground and coming with. i'll be gone, way out west, but you won't be forgotten my sweet peeps. when the coffee starts percolating, i'll give a mental shout out to my regular morning reads. peace be with ya'll, generous souls that you are. catch up with you when i return to civilization.

all i want for christmas is my 10 thousandth hit. so in the spirit of the season, in the generous giving nature that embodies the gift of Christ, would you please consider reading this drivel twice, maybe thrice? thanks, love chops.

and a very merry christmas to all, and to all a good site.

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December 16, 2005

why reason with logic?

alex, "whoa, look at that meteor!"

me, "i don't think that's a meteor, i think it's an airplane."

alex, "no, it's a meteor."

me, "alex, it's a plane, there are a lot of planes in the sky."

alex, "there are a lot of planets in the sky. it's a meteor."

me, "fine, it's a meteor."

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short trip

client, "hey honey, i just called to ask you i still have any money up there with you?"

me, "uh, of course, about a hundred and fifty thousand."

client, "whew, you know, i'm counting on you to take care of things when i go crazy."

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December 14, 2005

big brother and the big dipper

Abilene, Abilene prettiest town you ever seen people there don't treat you mean in Abilene
every year, when i was very young, my mother would drive us from our home in houston to my grandparent's in abilene. the drive was long, probably eight hours, but tradition was mired in it.

we'd head west out of htown on i-10 and take old 36 all the way. we would see towns like brenham, temple, gatesville, hamilton, rising star...this was our ride, only ours was doo doo brown. the mercury cougar, ain't she a beaut?

see that back window? my brother and i would lie side by side in the ginormous back window ledge, staring up at stars our city eyes had never seen. seat belts? what were seat belts back then? this was the glorious seventies, the populace was invincible.

all the way, magic in the car. my mother, driving along, pointing out santa birds. in our family, santa had a fleet of birds that would fly back to the north pole and report to santa as to which kids were doing what, progress reports to help finalize the good and bad lists. birds being everywhere, we were in constant view of the little narcs. and although my brother and i could never get along for eight hours straight, we surely tried. by the time we were on that long drive to abilene, we had very few days to perform for the santa birds.

i remember a sort of early religious confusion. it's all about Christ's birth, but do you pray to Santa? hmmm. somehow the two great mysterious men shared the most pivotal birthday of the year. i never understood the connection, but i prayed to both just in case.

despite the rust and danger of the seventies, i'd give my right eye to be back there this year. riding in that window with my brother, begging him to show me the big dipper before father sleep took hold.

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December 12, 2005

49 and more useless info

no, i don't meme. not usually. but i got hit with two this morning and they are from opposite ends of the country, and i love these bloggers, so i'll play along.

first, from grandpa pinhead, the 7 X 7:

Seven things to do before i die
1. fly to katmandu and lay my sweet greens on mt. everest
2. hone some organizational skills, i have none
3. see my sons graduate from college
4. work overseas
5. take one of the top spots in the corporate hierarchy, then make em all regret it
6. learn to play the guitar
7. manage more money than any other financial institution in my county

Seven things i can not do
1. skydive
2. put a dog down (again)
3. be a supermodel, hell, i can't even be a girly girl
4. plastic surgery, i am what i am, no matter how scary
5. a pull up, not even one, in my whole fucking life
6. relocate for a job again
7. drive without road rage, not even one city block, i'm a maniac

Seven things that attract me to men
1. camo
2. uniforms (johnny law or ups, it don't matter)
3. muscles
4. eyes
5. cologne
6. manners
7. smile

Seven things i say most often
1. do you hear me?
2. i mean it
3. inside voice
4. deal?
5. yeah, right
6. sweet
7. O-S-S-O-M-E (how true spells awesome)

Seven books or series i love
(i suck here cause they are all financial or children's books)
1. the millionaire next door
2. did i ever tell you how lucky you are
3. the excellent investment advisor
4. the lorax
5. smart women finish rich
6. the nine lives of the affluent
7. national geographic and fortune magazines

Seven movies i do or could watch over and over again
1. little big man
2. the shawshank redemption
3. star wars, yep all of em
4. annie hall
5. jeremiah johnson
6. breakfast at tiffany's
7. it's a wonderful life

Seven other folks to force myself on with this meme
i don't do that, sorry, this meme dies with me me

and then this meme from dana at origin of soul, ten useless pieces of info about me that will have no impact on the world..
1. i'm a rabid nail biter, that's why my nails are fake. hard to chew on plastic.
2. coke=happy. strike it up to magnificent marketing, but a real coke on ice is the best
3. i'm a constant critic, i take the other side just to debate. it's something i loathe about myself, argumentative
4. i say all the things in public and even while eating that decent folks don't.
5. i consider thirty minutes of sitting doing nothing but drinking coffee a necessary step in the getting ready for work process, even though i'm regularly thirty minutes late to work
6. i've been to paris, france 5 times and i never tire of it. it is my favorite city in the world
7. i like to fall asleep to "cops" on tv
8. i like to sing ella fitzgerald tunes in the shower, course i sound just like her, in the shower
9. i put the "broke" in "broker" (it's a lifestyle choice, if you too invest yourself poor you know what i mean.)
10. i'm a jack of all trades and a master of none. it's tough having so much multi tasking going on that you just portray yourself as schizop

it's 11 pm folks, i'm gone to bed, nighty night

and no memes for awhile, deal?

update: tagged princess cat..i think answering all these memes counts for all five weird habits i exude. useless=weird, right??

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December 11, 2005

my blog blood

as another dysfunctional family christmas races into reality, i'm struck with an epiphany.

the holidays are about family, and this year mine has grown exponentially. early this year, i discovered eric's blog. he was bookmarked in my random crap drawer (no offense daddy-o, but i was too ignorant to know what i had found.) pretty soon i was frequenting the place and soon after that, i basically orphaned myself on his doorstep.

fast forward to present, it's my first christmas in the gig-a-gene pool. unreal. i'm as tore up as a tot. this year, thanks to the blog world, i've met some of the most interesting people i've ever known, i've read many things that i never imagined i'd see in print, and i've learned so much about nothing, it boggles the mind.

blog family, like a real family, teach you many things. they nurture and torture the same as well. take linky love, for instance. a concept that my childhood blog brain couldn't grasp. that kind of love is a double edged sword. hey, no doubt someone in your blog family loves you when they put up a link or drop you a comment that trumps your post. it's like you brought home an A+. come home from work beaten and blown to find uncle denny or sister feisty liked something you wrote? you inspired your inspiration? nice feeling.

then there's the deep dark family secrets. c'mon, if you're the spawn of a normal dysfunctional american family then i bet you have some secrets tucked away in the family shed. we do also in the blog fam. tales of turbulence from days gone by, things we don't speak of or let on to the outside world. a family joined by written word that keeps some touchy issues out of print.

and then there's reunion time. blogmeets, they are the shite. a chance to talk til dawn with your identical cousin, or get a ribbing from one of your crazy uncles. it's all good.

thanks for christmas present, my blog bretheren and my silent lurkers. you have absolutely made this year more memorable and more meaningful that anything i expected to experience when google cast me your way.

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December 07, 2005

red meat blodge meet

after much prodding from this kooky ass cracker,i have FINALLY posted the hotel accomodations for our blodge meet in texas. follow the link, and i can't wait to see your sweet little faces.
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December 06, 2005

gluttonous ignorance

do you know this song? it's an oldie. we used to sing it annually at our church. 64 years later and still fitting.

December seventh, nineteen hundred and forty-one,
Our land of freedom was defied
December eighth, nineteen hundred and forty-one,
Uncle Sam replied

We did it before and we can do it again--and we will do it again,
We've got a heck of job to do,
But you can bet we'll see it through
We did it before and we can do it again--and we will do it again,
We're one for all and we're all for one
They'll get a lickin' before we're done
Millions of voices are ringing, singing as we march along

We did it before and we can do it again--and we will do it again,
We'll knock them over, and then
We'll get the guy in back of them
We did it before, we'll do it again

pearl harbor and 9/11, both unprecedented attacks on our soil. we will see it through. sorry nutjob lefties, no love for you round here. we might have won the war and brought all our troops home by now if we weren't fighting the battle over there and over here. history repeats itself, too bad the love of country didn't swell up and mean more to everyone this time around. no freedom isn't free, our beloved military have to fight and die for pompous fucks that are too ignorant to see that the freedom to spout their incessant bullshit is safeguarded by those souls they trample. fuck em.

sorry about the teeny tiny pic, it's my grandfather aboard ship in 42. off to avenge our oppressors and provide the kind of security that eventually led to gluttonous ignorance.

God bless the United States of America. and please do remember pearl harbor.

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December 05, 2005

la vaca

i come from a long rich line. rich in humor, wealthy only in wit. we get it honestly. my grandfather was a merciless joker.

for instance, as children we would send our grandparents our school pictures. my grandfather would call me each and every year and say, "oh thank you so much for the pictures! we put them out in the garden and we don't have rats anymore." thanks, grandaddy, glad i could help.

my grandfather was a cattleman. days before i was born, a calf was born on his farm. knowing what i was to be named, he named the new calf "chou". when my mom called with a progress report, he let her know the good news. a new calf was born, chou be thy name. so in the family line, i was technically named after a cow, however beloved. my grandfather forever fought to make it a point of pride for me.

i found this picture in his desk drawer this past weekend. the back of it says in my grandfather's handwriting, "Chou, Nov 25 1971, weight 355 lbs." proof of his ongoing brag war with my mother. just look how big his baby is growing, they do grow up so fast.

the joke never tired. all through the years, when ever my name would come up, my grandfather would pause in his silly pensive way and sigh, "she was the kindest heffer i ever knew, gave pure sweet milk that one."

can you imagine a less feminine fate? i may have been raised a city girl, but damn it, i'm livestock down deep. what's in a name, you ask, dear friends? this one's all about small west texas towns and red dirt and laugh lines, oh, and the ability to eat and shit yourself at the same time.

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December 03, 2005

intranetional sammy day

Happy SAMMY day to you all!

on this day, our darling sweet wonderful brier patch was born. the man is preferred stock, people. besides being a great blogger, he has a giant heart. although the women flock to him like white on rice, he has a wife whom he adores and she seems to adore us (blogger clingons).

sammy, happy birthday! i love you, man. you put the catdaddy in my blogmeets and are a true great friend. see ya in january, i'll spank you then.

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December 02, 2005

shit creek

what can i do just to find peace of mind? don't give me no lip or i'll pack my crib

and leave it all behind

i live on shit creek, the shit stays about a foot deep
the dogs and flies go to harmonize
all the kids have dirty feet
the county feeds us once a week
with chicken fried and a pumpkin pie

won't you please come to shit creek now and then

it's so damn good to have a damn good friend
come dry your eyes while the fiddle plays
come listen close to what we have to say

thanks to the Bad Livers for summing up my work week. major freak fest yesterday, an ass chewin thursday. all day.

computer issues. gummed up to non functional. since i don't speak the language, my brain easily gets psyched out by internet induced paranormal instances. lately it's all i know, so i go.

speaking of gone, my kids are off for the weekend with their dad, so i will be helping my sweet grandma move. yep, she's moving on. granny is a rolling stone, remind me to tell you more on that soon.

hope to catch up my blogging this weekend. have fun ya'll. and do come back to shit creek real soon, ya hear?

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