February 25, 2007


This techtard is done. A week or so ago, I lost all my bookmarks in firefox and all my feeds in feeddemon to a virus and/or spyware containment. Did that make any sense? Basically, I became disconnected from my regular reads. It wasn't all 12 step logic and let's talk about it either, it was child birth. The cord freaking cut, goodbye cozy world.

The road back to normalcy has been worse than I thought possible. Did you notice that I never alter my blogroll? Why do you think that is? It's because I can't. That would be an all weekend type event and I don't think I'll get there.

The problem is, I am blown eye, I am blog sloth. I was comfortable prior to losing my feeds, so much so that caring became optional. I'm sorry. Fact is, I sure can do a linky dink, cause there is a giant blinding button for that.

Anyway, two things have been chewing at me in the blodge world. One, Erica not being on my blogroll. It's a crime, sister. Just last week you mentioned having that haircut and it immediately made me think of this one I gave myself back when I was 5 or six or so:

self inflicted haircut 1976.jpg
What a trip down memory lane, gurlfry! See my expression? Reminded me of my boys and I debated which one. Your little comments mold my whole weekend. Sorry I have disrepected you with my total lack of html skills. Please consider yourself loved, even if not linked.

The other thing will have to wait. Apparantly my virus scanner has just "automatically healed" 190 files. Oooops! That can't be good. I'm going to close my eyes, and press save & publish and then I shall step away from this demon possessed machine for a healthy spell. I really don't want to know if I just lost my feeds again.

Enjoy your Sunday.

Posted by shoe at 10:23 AM | Comments (14) | TrackBack

February 24, 2007

cowgirl conservative

Ugh. I have problems. I read blogs, and they don't help. Fricka frack.

I'm a Republican. I'm not a Libertarian. I say this because I've never voted Libertarian, except where that was the only option. While some of the socially charged arguments make me wish I were Libertarian, I like conservatism. I like a love of capitalism. I loathe dependence, even on my own ideology, still, I will probably always vote Republican because the important issues outweigh the social strife that I doubt we will ever have agreement on anyway.

That being said, I'm socially something else. I shudder to think liberal, but yeah, pretty much. In my social mindset, I don't like any bought and paid for politician spending ONE tax dollar discussing my uterus, sexual orientation, stem cells, etcetera. In my mind, those are matters of individuals and their scientists/doctors only.

Imagine my suprise to find myself on the other side for once? The controversy in Texas these days is about the state mandated vaccine for school girls against HPV. HPV being a known contributing factor leading to cervical cancer in women. Again, I'm at a loss to understand the outrage I hear.

The first bit of controversy concerns our greedy governor Rick Perry, who on the same day he declared that school girls would be required to have the immunization, accepted $50k in campaign funds from the company that developed the vaccine, Merck.

There is no question in my mind that the two events were separate. Fifty thousand dollars seems like chump change to me and probably an expected sum from a donor the size of Merck with at much at stake in all levels of federal and state politics. We are talking about a contribution to the campaign of one of the largest and most influential state's republican governors? Fifty K? Really, you think that's worth this shitstorm to Perry? I think greed comes at much higher price tags in this country these days and if you think 50k would do it, you are not in touch with reality IMHO.

And another thing regarding the 50k, how much would Merck have to spend on advertisements to bring their miracle vaccine to the forefront as Perry so aptly did? How many pharma ads can you count in an hour of primetime television? What does that cost? Nationwide news headlines? 50K? I'm calling Perry the next time my marketing ship takes on water. This is a public relations wet dream, is it not?

I won't even start about how no one agrees exactly how much money was given (even in quoting the same source-the AP). Why go there? Let's assume the worst allegation at $50,000, and it still doesn't hold water with me. $5,000 and the allegation of greed is total nonsense.

Secondly, there is the ethical dilemna. Conservatives are appalled at the implication that their bought and paid for monkey is now basically accusing their pristine daughters of doing the nasty in high school. MY WORD! It can't be!

I again find myself appalled at the utter quicksand people find themselves incased in. So what if your daughter doesn't have premarital sex? Isn't this an immunization, preventing the disease from occurence ever? Even later in life in marriage? That's what I ignorantly understood. The reason for the young age being targeted for immunization, I thought, was just because it is found to be effective in girls aged 16-26 (or, as it says in the article referenced, "before sexually active").

Red went off telling me how her daughter never engaged in premarital sex and how appalling it is to have a governor insist on this. And while I said it, no politicians invited below the chastity belt, I actually know a person that died from cervical cancer. A person that meant a great deal to me. A person that vastly impacted what would be a much more worthless life without her. Who knows, maybe this treatment will prevent my dearly departed's granddaughter from sharing the same fate. And I just can't get all bent out of shape about the social implications of my governor's decision.

Third, there is the issue of finance. Apparantly, the immunization is a three shot process that costs about $360. Wow. I agree that is absorbitant for the average family, especially, if unlike me, you are blessed with little girls. Can you imagine a family of five? Yikes.

Still, I think the governor by making this windfall income stream for Merck is in every position to negotiate a state-wide discount. You know, if the state requires it and the doctors can't viably provide the vaccine, the cost will come down.

I used to take my dogs and cats to these pop up veterinary vaccination stations back in college. You could buy vaccines for your animals for 5 bucks or so, and all you had to do was wait in a line early on saturday morning. It was worth it to me. I predict the same for America's female youth. I know if I could prevent my kid from getting the smallpox of our generation, I'd find a way. Capitalism works, believe in it.

Fourth, I readily admit that I don't have girls so I'm not impacted directly by this decision. Although I do have two overactive ovaries and know the female mind firsthand. I don't think the governor's decision can stick based on logistics alone. Too much regulation needed to require the vaccine at this early stage. Still, I like the way the media, from national news down to the blog world, is eating up this debate with a spoon. POLARRHOIDS!! This is what I mean: you even found a way to hate a major medical breakthrough on every front.

Please find me one positive article on how many lives this vaccine could potentially spare? Nah, you're right. What would be the point of that? It's only preventing some cancer, no freaking biggie.

In the comments, please me with your thoughts on these four areas: 1) Is this a greed driven action? 2) Do you think it's fair for a culture that creates Britney Spears and Paris Hilton for teens to idolize, to then feign sexual piety of their female teen population? Back to this planet, folks, and by the way, your daughter's g string is showing, and so is your wife's. 3) Do you think normal market mechanics will bring down the cost of this vaccine and finally, 4) Have you heard anythng positive that has resonated with you concerning this debate in the media of late?

Thanks for reading this, if you did and I look forward to reading your commentary. Have a nice Saturday and enjoy your sweet families and friends.

Posted by shoe at 11:28 AM | Comments (10) | TrackBack

February 19, 2007

captain mischief

it's the looks on these faces that keep me on my toes. does anyone else think the budlight sign kind of gives the ironic illusion of a halo? is that the cynic in me piping up again? sorries. i'm just testing a new method of picture posting. carry on.

Posted by shoe at 12:54 PM | Comments (8) | TrackBack

there's just no pleasing you

howdy and happy presidents day to you.

this is my favorite day of the year. stock exchange holidays are nifty in that banks will close for anything, but pretty much all the people who get off the real holidays are usually at work on stock exchange holidays like today.

not to gloat about your servitude, i think you're the bomb, i truly do. it's just that i'm approaching burnout at a delirious pace and i needed this holiday. i really did.

i want to point out that due to the fact that you're off for christmas, thanksgiving, the fourth of july, kwaanza, etcetera ad naseum, i generally need to be around. that's when my peeps' peeps come home to roost, and that means missed opportunity and bad service if i wasn't there to see them.

so, today is a nice change of pace for people in my business. it comes halfway through tax time when we all need a breather. for everyone else, it's business as usual, sort of our dirty white collar secret. bankers and brokers join hands and cry, we will not shame our forefathers by lifting a dollar today. nay! today, in deep admiration of their work, we shall laze about unshowered watching jerry springer. they reared a nation, we raise it and the stakes are high.

and it looks like i'll spend my day making spring break plans. the kids were not excited about disney, at all. that went over like a dildo at church.

alex said, "nah, let's go to legoland, legoland!!" dread, i do not want to drive to california.

then true chimed in, "no, i want to go asia for the chinese new year! we can drive up to alaska and take the land bridge over."

and here i was thinking i was mom of the year for offering to take them to the happiest place on earth? pardon moi. do you think they could get excited about velociman's snake roundup if i promise them we might get to see a redneck die?

the land bridge? sheesh, how can i possibly compete with that?

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February 18, 2007

just bekos...

Zee Arreygato on the seasons. I love kindergarten. Enjoy!

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February 17, 2007


Change is upon us. My True blue is morphing. Check it, a little over a week ago,

a full set of choppers and look at those beautiful blues...

Friday we celebrated True getting straight A's on his progress report. He was down one tooth by then

You know, they grow up so fast. By Tuesday we had gone to the eye doctor and learned that true is fairly nearsighted and has an astigmatism. Did I spell that correctly? I'm a sighted American, and pretty ignorant about these things.

Anyway, by Wednesday, he shed another front row tooth and knocked the ladies dead with this all new look just in time for Valentine's..

What a cutey pie. And Alex is inconsolable, he wants glasses so bad.

ps--I'm taking a poll. I'm thinking about driving the kids to Florida for spring break. Anyone between here and there want to shout out good places to stay with the kids, must sees, best restaurants for kids, etc? We'll be taking our time there and back. This will be our first big family hoorah in a long while, so all of your advice will be appreciated. We're talking mid march so, let's hear it, and fast, in the comments or send me an email. I need to get some things in order quickly.

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February 14, 2007

To my blown-eyed blodgers:

You really are. Have a good one, lovebugs.

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February 13, 2007

Modern Day Moses

Let my people go!

I guess you could call it Exodus anxiety. Sometimes I'm a little freaked about how dire everything seems to be getting. The stuff I see in my office, people. I'm sure your environments are the same. Exposure is a bitch these days, no?

I am getting old. I can prove it. Like my irritating, pharma-mental papa before me, I'm starting to think stuff is really coming unhinged. End times.

I can remember being bored to tears in church as a child. At the time, even Hell was decorated like the Brady Bunch for me. I remember hearing tales of tribulations and revelations and thinking what fantastical hocus pocus it all seemed to be.

Three decades went by and folks are now blowing themselves up literally left and right. 9/11, the most horrifying day, has come, gone, and is almost forgotten already by many. Everyone who declares our troops must come home right away (Obama) has forgotten the feeling of being attacked and being defenseless.

In case you are reading this somehow and are in that camp, let me clarify my position: FREEDOM THROUGH MILITARY VICTORY. That's it, and to me it means that everything you have, you have because soldiers fought and died.

If the media whores hunt down the source of their freedoms, don't they find this? War. Ugly, devastating war? Wars that made us question everything? Everytime? That's what I read, way back when I read about history. When people start spouting defeatist and anti-military drivel, my stomach starts churning out acidic hot squirts. Yes, soldiers died to provide them the mind numbing comfort of their ignorance, and that is sad.

Ignorance can be such an ugly weapon too. Don't you hate being the root of your own problems? Like when you figure out you just fucked up? It sucks, doesn't it? You can't fix what you can't face. Say it with me. You can't fix what you can't face.

So I started thinking about the future, because that's what I do. Eventually, I found myself drooling cross-eyed about end times, wondering what I don't know that might possibly kill me. And I started thinking that if God wanted to speak to us, lead us out of our Egypt, would he use the same techniques he used on his people in history? The thought boggled my mind for some time.

What if there was a modern day Moses? Would you listen? What if God sent ten plagues our way to wake us up? Ten horrifying, out there, nonduplicatable and unmistakable signs.

And of course, that got me FINALLY to the point of my post, exodus anxiety. You simply can't wonder if God will bring ten plagues for very long before you consider that he may be doing just that. How do these sound for modern day plagues?

10) Impotence-evidenced by the barrage of viagra, cialis, et al.

9) AIDS-if you can get it up, it might kill you

8) Islamofascism-anti-freedom, anti-choice, anti-semite, anti-everything and no deodorant.

7) Poverty as a virtue- Just how are people supposed to be motivated by living totally off the government or by supporting the worthless within the system? All of history comes down to these three: fuck the poor.

6) White trash as role models-soar with the eagles or flock with the turkeys. In one week, we denigrate a space-flying, diaper wearing, love torn astronaut, and sadly bemoan the great loss of a drug addled, illiterate porn star. Great sadness indeed.

5) Democrap-the recent but totally baffling denial of reality, as in, "the economy is terrible" or "losing the illegal war" (this is a whole post in itself, much later)

4) Evil oil-America's greatest lesson in biting the hand that feeds you. I love what this article said:

During 2005, the Tax Foundation’s Jonathan Williams and Scott Hodge found, Exxon-Mobil, Chevron (NYSE: CVX), and ConocoPhillips (NYSE: COP) “paid a combined corporate income tax burden of $44.3 billion on their reported gross earnings. Compared to last year’s combined corporate income taxes of $29.7 billion, their burden for 2005 has increased by 49.2 percent and follows the overall trend of escalating corporate tax collections in the United States.”
Williams and Hodge added in their January 31 “Fiscal Fact” that “the average effective tax rate on the major integrated oil and gas industry is estimated to equal 38.3 percent. This exceeds the estimated average effective tax rate of 32.3 percent for the market as a whole.”
Yep, it'll be great when they don't make money, huh?

3) Reality television-A clearer documentation of the downfall of civilization will never eclipse the power of the primetime docudrama.

2) Regulation-The government intervention and overregulation is going to choke out the economy long before johnny joe job gets laid off. We are becoming so stifled by lawyers and litigation, my company is currently looking into plans to have a legal advisor surgically attached to each of our sales people. It's cumbersome to the p&l though, and could cost me a fully functioning colon, so sacrifice, again, will no doubt be the name of the game.

1) Class Warfare- Hey, you already got your own post! And I joke, I do, but a plague of people just seems to make a nice numero uno. The classic population explosion argument. Don't turn your snide noses up at the Iraqi people, uh uh huh. We aren't so terribly far from our own class warfare turning into a civil war.

No doubt, some of you wouldn't view these as modern day plagues. Still, look around you. What would be your number one? You could leave it in the comments, or feel free to take this to your site and meme it. No meme really makes you feel as good as my homemade modern plague meme will make you feel. Believe that.

Peace out

Posted by shoe at 10:39 PM | Comments (10) | TrackBack

February 12, 2007

true torture

Alex taunting True, "Kendall loves Truey, kissing in the tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g, first comes the baby in the baby carriage, then comes the second, and then comes the third...(confused ramble) and that's not all, here comes the baby drinking alcohol."

Yep, never heard it quite like that before. Somehow, this butchering seems to be a sort of sign of the times, no? Forget the marriage altogether?

Everyday, a new way of seeing things.

Posted by shoe at 05:33 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

February 09, 2007

brotherly love

Alex brought home his valentines today. It was like Christmas, we had to open them right away, he was so excited.

Mine was sweet and straightforward, typical Alleycat. A boy of few words, each of them perfect:

alex valentine to mom.jpg

His valentine for True was less straightforward. Thank goodness he was standing right there to translate. Still, take a look at this and tell me if you see what I see...

alex valentine you do a good job in karate, truett.jpg
Translation: Good job in karate, True.

Now, maybe at first glance this didn't strike you as a cry for help. Especially if you weren't aware that the boys are not enrolled in any form of martial arts classes, never have been. In other words, this is kind of a thanks for the informal daily ass whippin', bro valentine, of which, I never hoped or imagined I'd see.

And another thing, did you happen to notice all the peace signs? There weren't any of those on my valentine. A subconscious message perhaps?

I really want to know what you think. Is the Alleycat some kind of brotherly love savant, sowing kindness into a message of underlying cruelty? Let me know your wise thoughts, blodgers. Oh, and while your at it, let me know if you are speaking as a sibling (younger, older, brother or sister). I eagerly wait for your response.

Posted by shoe at 11:01 PM | Comments (6) | TrackBack

Valentine Irony

True, "Kissing sucks."

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February 07, 2007

Blown Eyed Roundup

Check it out, Y'all...

Our fab Mr. Confabulator has spruced up the ole blown-eyed standards and added a touch of the democratic process. Go forth and cast your vote. Will you come? I think the ranch places will be more like a Helen type meet and if San Antonio, then we can do the whole river walk city meet deal. And don't forget the Alamo.

It somehow quickens my steps to know a blodgemeet is in the planning stages, however early. Go, Now!! Ponder your preference. Exercise your limited rights as a blown-eye. Today!

See you at the meet!

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February 06, 2007

Revelation Postage

new postage stamp.jpg

I like any end of the world scene where ice cream cones are used as weapons. No word yet on why the meditating gummy bears are descending from the sky.

And another blessing? No blood, which means no teacher conference over this bad boy. I dodge that bullet again!

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February 05, 2007

woes of the weary one

Content Advisory: Pregnant mothers and those of weak constitutions should skip this post. Detailed Mommy trauma within. You have been warned.

Mommyhood is made of this, sleeplessness and stickiness. I believe I am entering the euphoria stage at this point.

Went to bed at ten or so with Fox news yammering on the tv set. Around midnight, a nightmarish site. My youngest son appeared bedside urping and saying, "Mommy, don't ya know? I'm wealy sick."

When I open my eyes, I'm in shock. My son is covered like Carrie in puke. All over his hair, shirt, in his eyebrows, in his ears, like he had been rolling in it. So much puke. And the urping. Holy Moley, the urping. The sound was horrendous, I almost urped in melodic agreement. Then the realization hit. Guess where he had been sleeping? OMG, shoot me.

But we mommy on. It's all we can do. It's our number one job, our innermost drive and be it two, or three, or four in the morning, it matters not. We know their little tummies are churning and their fevers are raging, and the only thing we know will work is love, comfort, and hopefully luck with a luke warm sprite.

So, to the tub with a puke slathered son. And while the water was rising, I stripped the bed and threw away a couple of pillows. I told the boy I would fix up the guest bed all cozy for him when he said the most disturbing thing.

"I fink I frew up in der too. I also frew up standing up some"

What? Ok, no problem. I continue sponge bathing the boy. My mind is running wild with what horrors lie ahead. Without subjecting you to the details, it was pretty bad, and fairly accurately described.

Still my calm amazed me. Even when the four o'clock hour came and I finally snuggled up next to my stink breath son with a freshly lined trashcan pulled up bedside for convenient mid-sleep urping. That, my friends, was a stroke of genius, for about every hour the boy would stir and gag. Like a circus ride, I would eject him from my bed, hanging him over the can. I'm sure with a fever it was a horrifying ride, but I managed to make it til morning without another carpet clean up.

At 7:30, my efforts turned towards True. He had decided that my night of horror guaranteed some sort of family day off. Lego Day!! Not. Somehow, without beating him, I was able to persuade him to dress and get in the car.

Didn't have the same success with my sick son. He crawled into the car wearing nothing but his jammie top, underwear, and a big fleecy blanket. You would think I would have been cognisant of the impending danger, but no.

Halfway to True's school, Alleycat began the noises. I pulled over at a low water crossing and Alex jumped out in his underwear. It must have been 50 degrees out, chilly in just your britches. And, oh, what a tasteless snapshot of mother and son. Me, braless, holding Alex almost upside down in his underwear, urping madly by the big oak tree. Cars winding by in full view. See ya at school, sexy!

It's definitely Monday. It's Monday with no sleep since Sunday over here. It's a sleepless Monday with the faint aroma of puke offending each and all of your senses. I hope you all are faring much better than I.

Please, wash your hands. And as you toil away at your Monday fare, no matter how down-trodden you may feel, remember this: the job that never sleeps and never pays, is out there blowing chunks at the low water crossing. On that you can believe.

Posted by shoe at 11:59 AM | Comments (8) | TrackBack

February 03, 2007

welcome to my weirdness

Got tagged by my favorite pirate, El Capitan.

THE RULES: Each player of this game starts with the six weird things about yourself. People who get tagged need to write a blogpost of their own six weird things as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose six people to be tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave a comment that says 'you are tagged’ in their comments and tell them to read your blog.

Now on with the weirdness...

1) I have a brown stripe in my right eye. I'd like to think it's beautiful, but I had a great friend named Jacob growing up that would always say, "Dude, your eye is bleeding." So it's real unique, but feels real ugly, nonetheless. Come gaze into my sick, oozing eyeball. Nice, huh?

2) I'm a packrat. My garage currently holds boxes that were packed by movers in Illinois five years ago. Something dark and deep inside me tells me I could make a fortune on Ebay with my crap. Still, I have never bought or sold anything on Ebay and likely never will. So, I just carve out enough room to park the car and deal with it.

3) Taxes turn me on. Call it a bizarre side effect of my business or call it the environment of wealth. I don't know. I freely admit it is fuct to the highest degree. But tax time, being the culmination of where the chips actually fell, makes me very, very happy inside. And I'm not an accountant. Maybe if I was it would be a different story.

4) Even though I can not put up a single post without a major eyesore of spelling and grammatical errors. Even though I know the proper usage of your and you're, they're and there and their, I regularly write them wrong. Even though butchering the language is so me it's actually my tag line, I DETEST some fucked up common butchering in real life. If you dare say "supposably" or "flustrated" in my presence, I will mentally label you fuctard and never grant you a second chance. These are real words too, it's just that I would prefer "supposedly" and "flustered" or "frustrated." I disagree completely with Websters on a few things. And it's cruel, it's unfair, and it's hypocritical at the very least, but true? Yes, this weirdness is my truth. You have been warned.

5) I care too much. I just hung up with my ex-husband, he's coming to pick up the alleycat for the weekend. Of all the people I have ever known, he is the most devoid of responsibility. Because of this, I worry a lot about my children when they are with him. And yet, my last words to him, "Drive careful, there are a lot of deer out there." I get rolled over a lot for this reason, and it's weird, but I really care.

6) I'm a Christian. Yep, a Jesus loving, light seeking, praying to the Lord night and day, full of faith, crazy assed right wing nut that you all love to hate on the evening news. I believe that God created freedom when he created the freedom to believe or not, your choice, volition, from the creator like everything else. I'm pretty appalled that ignorance is so loud, especially when it comes to intimate matters of faith. The way folks try to make George Bush look fruitcakish for his beliefs and convictions is just phenomenal to me. It flies in the face of my core beliefs. You don't believe? Big fucking deal. If you can't respect another's unwavering conviction in what they believe to be the truth, what will you respect? What are you made of that should be so admired? If you read all this shite, then surely, you like me a little bit? Try this on for weirdness...you like a Jesus junkie-just like George W. Bush, you freaking fruitloop, get a life!

Now, some folks shirk the honor of being tagged, but this is likely the only tagging I'll get in the near future, so I won't be taking it lightly...

Six weirder folks than I, definitely, without question: Yabu, Velociman, Key Monroe, El Zonquero, Hoosier Boy and Dax Montana. Now, play, damn it. And I don't want to hear your sissyfied excuses about how you don't do memes. Except for Vman, maybe, I mean, what isn't weird about that guy?

Posted by shoe at 09:37 AM | Comments (9) | TrackBack