chou chope

lost a client, the delusional one...always the end of an era when a friend gets stripped away from you...even if they weren't all good times, they were times and there won't be anymore...

plus losing clients is much like losing children..they help you be you by respecting just who that is..they entrust you with their very lives, and those they love...surely when they depart they leave holes in everyone...irreplaceable pieces, their unique perception of us...

and speaking of the perception of us, in my spare time i've been portraying myself as a bit of a nutjob...i think it's the pressure of helen raining down on me, loosening the ole structure a bit, stretching out the tolerance levels...it's all down to the wire now, people, will i fare better this go round? only time will tell...

of course, it was one of the most surreal dumbfounding moments of my life to sit at a table on day one with feisty, zonker, blight gurl, velociman, ungrouchy young cryp, dash, sam, key, karen, barbie, susan, and who can forget the jolly opening act of the boo boo, yabu? oh, fun times..it's not often that i'm short on conversation, but awestruck i was...i now live for my blog meets...

so i think i'm the only texan seeking representation at this one? no? feisty's saving her mama and dash is probably killing something, right? who's in? final headcount, y'all fess up...and what is this particular faction of blodgers known as?? do we have actual roots in jawja, or is that branch of the family tree just extra reproductive?

big questions need answers.. linkys in the comments, please.. i want to pre meet stalk you lurky lous...c'mon, out with it...

we're off to the big city library to check out a butthole's worth of books...no i'm serious..the kids hate going there, feel there's a dark connotation to that place...but oh well, it's too beautiful out here and we've been inside slaving over our dilapidated homefront all day...

tonight we bowl...again...actually looking forward to it...rock on, another saturday night...

the grocery store in my town, 5 hours from the coast was ravaged.. the parking lot full of coastal license plates...hotels full to midland 12 hours from the coast...expecting 90 mph winds in austin...if you've never witnessed a mass freak out, please come to texas, it's off the hook...
my heart is sinking for my home...houston isn't surrounded by levies, but it's plenty flood prone..remember tropical storm allison back in 2001? the flood pics you see here are from that storm... (this one is I-59 right near Rice University)of course every cloud has a silver lining...they took the worthless piece of shit nolans that were looking to live out their years in the astrodome and bussed their asses to arkansas...HELL YES!! a mighty true thank you to arkansas!! of course i was for building a human levy with their worthless asses to shield htown from the storm, but no one listens to me..

in short, if you believe in god, we would appreciate your prayers in texas..material losses don't matter, but the human suffering is likely to be severe... we need mercy...we need grace.. and most of all, we need this bitch to hang a louey and wipe out mexico instead...go get some gas people, lots of refineries going to go under water in texas city...the phone lines are already maxed out crazy in houston...trust that your loved ones in texas have had lots of warning and we shall shame the fiasco of new orleans...you've never seen determination like a texan in a pinch...

now let's be clear, she was as benevolent a slave master as there has ever been...a wonderful cook and the kind of open mind that you could always turn to... my mom was right though... childhood is slavery...

today was my first mentor meeting with katie...katie and i were matched for the mentor program last year...the mentor program at our elementary school is quite nice, children who are struggling are matched with an adult from the business community...i spend an hour each week at the reading room with katie...we talk and she reads me a number of books...

katie is the most beautiful little girl...she has a page boy haircut, straight stringy brown hair...giant brown eyes...and long gangly pre teen legs that seem to imply she'll grow to seven feet tall..ten years old, and full of wonder..

today was tough for me...i was worried about katie, she failed last year and was held back..i hoped it wouldn't dampen her spirit, and sure enough, nothing can.. i thought she was never going to let go when she hugged me..she was so excited to see me back, and although i was dreading it, all my self centered lack of want to be there dissipated when i saw her smile at me..

katie and my oldest son are 4 years apart in age, but they both read on the second grade level.. my son is currently at 355% of the standard, meaning he's reading more than three times the books expected and passing the comprehension tests that accompany those books..katie on the other hand, struggles to read each sentence and searches the illustrations to find comprehension...

today being our first meeting, we worked through a getting to know you worksheet...favorite colors, favorite foods...katie's favorite holiday is the fourth of july... why? because the fourth is when katie's whole family gets together at her great great grandma's house...oddly, her great great is only 60...i've been doing that math all day and still can't make sense of it...

part of my sadness over katie has been her family involvement...they never showed to the meet the mentor dinner last year, and i felt rooked..i had booked close to 40 hours with their daughter at the time and i was sore about sitting through the big family shindig by myself..

not to mention, the girl shows such promise but appears to be fending for herself at the ripe ole age of ten..though a truly stunning natural beauty, her clothes are normally mismatched as if she picks her own ensembles...torn, ratty, filthy and smelly are the only words to describe her clothing..she's a real life rag doll..

katie lives with her dad in a trailer in the poorest part of our community...when you ask her about her mom, she says, "which one?" when i met her last year, both her moms were in prison..just what are the chances?

the step mom made it to a halfway house last april and they celebrated by getting married...her real mom is still in prison...katie gets to see her on saturdays, every once in awhile...she hasn't a clue why she's in there, neither do i...

today she read me curious george, wemberly worries, and where the wild things are..the hour went by, but not quickly, there's never enough time like that for katie...my greatest hope is that i can have some lasting positive impact in her life, but the realistic side of me doesn't think it's possible...i don't know how to free someone from their gene pool..do you?

true's class is right across the hall from the reading room...so i walked over when i was done to see how his day was going.. true wasn't there, he was running an errand for his teacher, but she told me his conduct was good and pointed me to his desk to show me how hard he had been working...

funny thing, all the first grade desks are arranged in quads...four 6 year olds facing each other to tackle the arduous tasks..not my true...his desk sits facing the wall, isolated, by the chalkboard, inches from the teacher's desk...it's covered to the hilt with true's projects in the making..books and papers gaping out of every nook in the desk and overflowing to all areas surrounding... looked just like my desk...

when true returned he hugged me and was so happy to see me there...all his friends called me mom and when i left, they all wanted to know why true's mom gets to come to school...

my mini me...i spent my life within a ruler's reach of the teacher's desk...poor true..as i was walking to my car, i realized...i don't know how to free him from his gene pool either...the boy is enslaved, as well..

hooooooooo

sleepy pie, now...work comes tomorrow and it's chock full o work...best to ya, peeps...

guess it was the "hello shoe" in the subject line, or maybe the unfamiliar sender name..but i junked an email that was some nice guy asking me out.. talk about your rejection, i threw a suitor in the trash...

i spent saturday afloat on the guadalupe, spinning circles under the magnificent cypress trees with my dear friend vicki..we just don't get enough time to talk.. we gabbed into the early evening and then i helped her to feed her horse and burro.. actually, my job was to keep mac from eating all of cinco's food, the horse gets the good stuff.. it was only a couple of hours sum total, but it was the highpoint of my day..

then i showered and had a nice evening going to dinner and drinks with a friend from my bunco group..i've always liked her, but we haven't ever spent time just us..so we did..it was great...but still gun shy from the diet dr. vodkas the night before, i called it early and was home at 11... wussville, usa, people, proud to call it my home...

which brings us to the present..sunday was typical..6 loads of laundry, the dishes, swept the porches off..prepped the return of the boys..then decided i'd take them swimming when they got home..an hour or two of laughing and splashing and dunking and having my two little boys hang on me like monkeys, and i was back to being me... happy

as much as they drive me nuts, and as much as i know they are a major deterent from some men even considering dating me...i'm just not me without my boys.. i don't function properly..i fill the holes with whatever i can find, but i'm not someone i'd want to be with..

all's well that ends well..the boys are asleep in their bunk beds, dreaming of lego wars and i have all i need to motivate me..bring on the week, mama needs a new pair of shoes..

i think i shall require a nice looooonggg bath tonight..

my 9 am at starbucks was quite a surprise...a meeting with a new business associate.. he was replacing another guy who used to cover my territory, and since i really liked the old guy, i went reluctantly..

it was overcast this morning, and unbelievably cold and breezy alongside the guadalupe river..i got there early, got a paper and was reading outside when my appointment showed..

turns out, he didn't take my friend's territory, my friend had been covering his...see, he's been a little busy serving our country...a marine!! not just a marine, folks, a tall, handsome, blue eyed, SINGLE, slightly younger, hot hot hot marine!! and we were both wearing blue suits..DAYUM, i was so steamed up, the coffee actually cooled me down...

he was from illinois, where i spent 7 years of my career...we found we had many mutual acquaintances in the chicagoland area.. he told me all about his six months in iraq, and how positive it was.. and an hour went by in an instant, we never got around to talking about money...

the day was like that, all day...didn't think it could be topped, until i got home...what's that? there's a box hanging out of my mailbox...OH JOY!! a surprise...i opened it up and guess what, people?? you never will, so here, i'll spill it..

it was a sheriff's uniform shirt, OH YEAH!! it's tan, two blue patches on either side..i was out of that suit so fast people...you'ld think my pants were on fire...

let me tell you...a fetish is a mighty thing, i was badge heavy in an instant, and the boys completely and justly terrified...you know, one day you have a sweet loving mommy, and the next, she's officer get to freaking bed...that's right, tonight, new sheriff in town..

finally, with order restored and the kids safely in lock up, i cracked open a full moon pale rye and retired to my room, wearing nothing but my uniform..final male fantasy encounter, with w, that's right..my commander in chief, talking so dirty to me...mmmmmm...i think he used my favorite word 6 times in one grotesquely unintelligible smirking run-on sentence: entrepreneur

hey, is he reading my blog?

in short, fantasy and fetish can drive you to some wild extremes, my sweets...but please do stay under the limit, or officer yummy here might have to cuff your ass.. and i'm sure, i would enjoy that...so go ahead, take my lead and speed... shoe out

tonight was family fun night...that's shoe code meaning i'm not cooking...ate out, chinese food with the kids and they were horrific..true refused to try an eggroll as he likes eggs and rolls, but the combination turned his stomach..no go.. alley cat ate nothing.. see the chinese chicken doesn't look like chicken and the rice, doesn't look like rice.. oh well...nothing ventured, nothing stained..i was ok with it..

big day tomorrow...5 appointments by 5...first one, at the starbucks at nine..a morning date with a suit from austin who doesn't mind blowing a ten spot on coffee and a muffin.. i do appreciate visiting city folk, they have such inflated cost of living ideals...plus, i like any appointment that takes place outside my office, breaks the monotony..

off to bed early, my sweets...hope to find my motivation in la la land...keep on keeping on, my blog bretheren...

now you all know what a tech bubble is...and there's been much talk of a real estate bubble, so i wonder why no one yet has properly labeled the new orleans fiasco a shit bubble? because as far as i can see...it fits..

a bubble, if you are unfamiliar, is when the price of an asset becomes misaligned with the fundamentals of the venture...the bubble is a bubble because it's destined to pop, and when financial bubbles pop, you get a lot of "refugees" that lose everything they owned because they claim they had no idea whatsoever that they were among the irrationally exuberant...

great thing about the business world though, it's driven by dollars and sense..see, no one hired tech companies to save the poor tech savvy day trading fruitcakes when they fell flat on their asses...and nobody is going to turn to real estate developers to save them when they find themselves on the losing end of an interest only loan on a mammoth mortgage..it's common sense...isn't it?

downside of the business world, it's unforgiving...you want sympathy? see a therapist...you want to dig yourself out of a huge financial burden? see a professional money manager...it's that easy, people

so then why should we as a nation be pooling every resource we have, from good will to cold hard cash, only to dump it in that hazmat area formerly known as new orleans?

nope, i think you're all crackers..irrationally exuberant crackers...lets hire duraflame to burn that shit to the ground and get clorox to sponsor the spring cleaning.. use the billions (our common cents) to support the refugees and the communities they are now inversely taxing (dollar for dollar)...

we should leave it to private entrepeneurs to capitalize and rebuild the new new orleans... if it's financially viable, it will be done...and leave all the dumbfuck politicians out of the discussion completely... they are all to blame for the shit bubble rising to the surface in the first place..

sorry to burst your bubble..i'm a harsh bitch that way..

drive my car into the ocean
you think i'm dead but i sail away
on a wave of mutilation
a wave of mutilation
a wave of mutilation
wave

wave

i've kissed mermaids, rode the el nino
walk the sand with the crustaceans
could find my way to Mariana
on a wave of mutilation
a wave of mutilation

a wave of mutilation
wave
wave

-Black Francis with the Pixies...1989

i've been a little retro with my music taste of late...this one fits my my moody ass better than most right now...how i do miss the pixies...

for one thing, i pay four thousand dollars in property tax each year...sorry if that's not filtering out a decent wage for the school, but i sleep easy..i feel i've done my part...

on top of that, the whole community is leeched on by the damned school activity bullshit daily...sometimes they want sponsorship for the pride team, i support it, $150 per year because it is a program which offers positive reinforcement for good behavior...kids show exemplary behavior, they get a pride team shirt to wear on fridays...it's kind of a status symbol, so i can deal..

but then there are a ton of sports calendars, candy sales, 4h projects, even these piece of shit advertising folders they tried to sell me last year...the advertising cost $500, to be on this paper folder.. i was like, you have to be shitting me?? what about the plastic folders we had to buy on the school supply list?? wtf? true brought home one of the paper folders near the end of the school year and it was totaled in a week...piece of shit...just as i knew it would be..

so imagine my frustration when true brought home this sales kit....he's six..it's your typical school fundraiser bullshit...wrapping paper, ornamants, pet bandanas, oh..and an extra circular filled with texican crap...jalapeno salt & pepper shakers, you name it, if it's craptacular ceramic shit, it's for sale near you...ask the nearest six year old where you can get yours today..

true was breathless about all the stuff he could win...a key chain that says mom...a bunch of toys that look like they wouldn't be nice enough to come in a happy meal...ugh..i want to start with the superintendent and start killing people all the way down the chain of command until i get assurance that they will halt this bullshit...

i don't practice deadbeat economics...i don't buy anything without a 24 hour waiting period..no emotional purchases...i think it's disgraceful for our schools to teach this super low class capitalism...as soon as i find a productive way to channel my wrath, they are going to have it..

don't get me wrong...i sold girlscout cookies for a decade...very young, went door to door through my neighborhood..maybe that's why i'm in sales today.. but lets face it, girl scout cookies?? they sold themselves, might as well have been crack...i didn't have to do a thing...

i have read every bit of this sales kit...it says "thanks for supporting our schools" but no word anywhere on how...how much of this worthless bullshit do we have to sell to produce what kind of profit for the school?? and what is the profit to be used for?? huh? give it to me straight and i might support you..

but turn my six year old into dollar store shit concessioneer, and you are not only going to miss my funds, you'll miss my future support on all your other needs...i simply am learning that you are complete dumbfucks, and i don't invest my time or good will or my funds in idiots. fuck you!!

discussions are ongoing, and i have no idea what the rhatouka spinners are for...i tried to explain that no one in their right mind would try to steal the poopalator from us, but the boys are armed just in case...

do you think i could get a relief agency in here to help me with the toxic cleanup? i'm very afraid...

eric, the straight white guy, is two today...he's my blogfather, he's my mentor, i have never seen him in my life, yet i know he is the straightest whitest manly man i've ever not known...

happy blog birthday eric!!...you are the it...the numero uno...the man..

when i found your blog, i didn't know what a blog was..i was searching soldiers, camo, beretta...when i found my sweet tennessean marine...instinct took over, i bookmarked you immediately and returned often.. and pretty soon i was spending lots and lots of spare time watching you eat cheese sandwiches, playing pool, toiling in the yard, doting after your sweet wife, playing music for the masses and oh the stories...thanks for the memories..

good times, my friend, extremely good times...i so dig your devoted ass...happy blogday eric, have a drink or three on me...

i'm at odds with the concept of natural disaster.. oxymoron? appears to me that nature which costs exorbitant loss gets you the brand..but in reality, isn't nature of "biblical proportions" everyday?

take today for instance...according to iris, we had about a dozen earthquakes in the last 24 hours..oh but no humans were injured, in fact ten of ten polled had no idea..see how blissful nature is..that must be why iris calls them special events instead of natural disasters..

did you know i was a geology major for maybe five minutes at the university of texas? loved it, until it got too scientific..but when it was just field trips and rock licking in the lab, good times.

i guess it's all perspective though..at the time, i liked hanging out in the riverside overhang just under mt. bonnell...looking down the river at the massive erosion and the mammoth rock slabs that had fallen and wishing i could see the giant slabs break away and fall to the river 300 feet below...see it happen..of course, seeing something that great up close would mean certain death, or natural disaster..whatever..

i for one find human disaster to be a more sensible foe...i sit in awestruck wonder of the clusterfuck that is ongoing and of surreal proportions..we poor fallen people, with our control and denial issues...if we can't deal, we fix it...if we can't fix it, deny it...see..everything is just peachy... afterall, i grew up in houston, or new loweeziana, if you prefer..either way, hurricanes are as expected as the beautiful polluted purpley sunsets...they were to every one of those inhabitants in new orleans..

are we getting collectively more stupid as our technology soars? the internet with all it's speed and convenience is only robbing us of time, inflating every second...crunching along so fast we want pop-up fema and instant wireless broadband solutions to everything..fucking unreal expectation..we are a sick, sick people..

and as long as it's still being called natural disaster and of biblical proportions, hear this..damn straight. what is more natural than speaking of end times?

red's cousin is housing a nola family..she went to houston and picked em out, a family of five..they are lovely people..she asked if they're interested in going back to nawlins and rebuilding..to which this woman said, "no, not ever..i've been stuck in the projects all my life..god lifted me out and drowned that horrible place in it's own filth... i'm never going back, i'm never looking back. i'm thankful for a new start in this life. i've got a job and more hope for my family than i've ever had before" amen, sister, amen..

god might be trying to tell us something... and it might not be all that bad.. but the human disaster we've all witnessed is proof enough to me that few are listening..

george bush, i love you, thanks for thinking of me...

since dax is dying for more katrina posts..and velociman is finding much needed humor in this whole heart breaking affair.. vman, "we put the holler in cholera" oh yeah!! you a genius!!

i thought i should come clean so to speak...it's been a very relaxing weekend in the shoe box..fox news blaring in the distance..i have had trouble tearing myself away from the tv and getting myself out of jammies.. it's exotic, it's erotic, i can barely contain myself..7,000 troops, oh yeah...15,000 troops, oh my...30,000 troops, is it getting hot in here? anyone?

here comes another crew cut muscley man in blue gloves...oh yeah..so sterile, so strong..if it weren't for the traffic, i think i'd be heading to nola right now.. in my swim suit..lay out on someone's roof and wait for my rescue..be still my heart, camoflaged men descending from the skies..it's so hot in nawlins...

please don't send the basket for me..i want to be straddled in a sling to one of those yummies..
ah, america's best, indeed...i must retire to the living room..new footage on the hour, don't ya know..

(and please don't be offended by this post, i don't mean to shit on the horror that is the gulf coast..i just have camo fetish and great appreciation for america's best..)

see my last post? that was about me being in denial, not wanting to vent..but poverty is a state of mind it seems..and our whole country is about to experience a fundamental shift in their individual comfort zones..a million displaced people?

i write all the time and don't post..one that i have mulled over for awhile is that of "deadbeat economics" i don't mean deadbeat dads..i mean deadbeat money managers among us.. for the same reason though, they promise life long love and support, and somehow many never put their money where their mouths are..

this is a NORMAL financial personality in my opinion, and a popular one indeed.. the national savings rate has dropped to under 1%. that's obscene..meaning we spend 99% on all the bullshit..unreal..(these stats are from long before katrina/not impacted yet)

this is america..to me, that means you take care of yourself and your family..the haves in new orleans with the brains and the savings are protected. yes, they have lost their homes likely and their city is never going to be what it was after this..i don't believe..

i certainly don't want my tax dollars going to rebuild the city under the sea..maybe upriver, but read the national geographic issue on the loss of our wetlands and tell me the coast isn't inviting more cat 5 storms to her shores...reading that article last october was my first look at what we're all experiencing now...they called it, didn't they? "it's not a matter of if. it's when"

plus, financial personalities seem to perpetuate themselves..don't let your kids see you save less than 1%..that's worse than being a crack mom...everyone should have more respect for themselves and more concern for their families than to leave them in a lurch the size of the grand canyon...

back to the haves in new orleans...we take care of our own in this country...anyone with assets still owns their assets...and as dr. seuss so aptly said, "with brains in your head and feet in your shoes, you can steer yourself any direction you choose" now THAT'S american can do spirit right there..

i see prosperous but hard times ahead..i have never figured out a successful way to help those who practice deadbeat economics.. poverty is a state of mind, and it comes in every gender and color imaginable.. and as we all experience a shot of it..let's remember..there is an answer..

and the government doesn't PROVIDE shit...we do..hug an american today!! we rock!!