chou chope

yep, i drive toyota. and i'm the smartest one i know. people fear me in my own car. i've noticed i'm more deceiving to the general public as the minivan mommy. they'll learn.

justdotchristina, do me a flavor. give my warmest texas welcome to mister spence. no way to get there this time, but i'm green with blodge envy. have fun. and if he is coming this way, give him my digits. thanks.

neck percussion, it's my thing, gonna have my own band soon. let's just say, i'm gifted, very gifted.

took all y'alls ROTTEN advice and went to the doctor today. it was $80 bucks for the office visit, but i'm in sales, gotta make it pay, ya know? hadn't seen a doctor in god knows how long, so i figured i'd get him to write me some scripts. you know, something mindblowing for the accident and neck pain, rescript the allergy meds i ran out of a year ago, and hey, how bout a sleeping aid?

every time i need one of those, the fuckers say, oh no, only if you come in. like i'm going to pay 80 bucks to catch some sleep on a trans-atlantic flight? no way. i just need that shit, hiding out in the med cabinet for back up. oof, those hazy crazy insomniatic nights. or maybe post blodgemeet sleep reallignment plans, whichever comes first.

so the doc, meeting me for the first time and hearing all of this in the presence of a honey med student (she was just riding shotgun on the shoe drug interdiction, lucky gurl!) started asking a lot of the inquisitive questions you might expect... saying look this way and that way and where does it hurt? all was going smooth, don't ya know

he prescribed celebrex for the accident. wtf? anti-inflamatories very well may be the crack of the geriatric generation, but doc, they didn't do squat for my headache nor my neck pain. oh but the sounds are sweet...ticka ticka pop pop cccrrrrreeeak. i should be thankful. you the one with the fancy medical degree, not me, and i really can't deal with a codone addiction right now anyway. that would really mess me up, and frankly, i don't need messin'.

rescripted my beloved flonase and then things turned sour. had an intervention moment as the doc described how over time sleep aids would lose their effect, i would want more, and more, and more. whoa, doc, save it. i know all about it. but see, i've never been much of a pill popper, i just need this shit for back up, so when i call you, your lady out front doesn't say i have to come in, cause frankly, then it's too late.

done and gone

oh, and no one mentioned SOFT TISSUE once. should i be afraid? fuck the accident, i'm gonna get me a piece of that malpractice bullshit

just kidding, i'm a lover not a litigator.. hate someone else

so i go about my day, and it was busy folks. very busy, which for me means very good. got home, noticed anti-inflammatories don't do shit. really, i was hitting rock bottom, breakdown by the chattahoochie style, when my very sweet san antonian frer meredith called to invite me over. hells yeah!! always make time for my girlfries, you know dat..

thew those children in the car, they've fallen asleep at meredith's a few times. hauled off to san antonio, why not? flew to that interstate. i was in NO SHIT welfare, texas when it happened.

are you sitting down? hunting season doesn't open for another week down here. but tonight folks, i bagged my first buck. a huge fucking axis. damn. fast and agile bambi too, practically did a cartwheel from the right of the interstate to my left headlight.

sniff, sniff.... i didn't even get to wear camo.

fucked the car, but i'm alive and so are my kids!! take that! rolled to a gas station where meredith came to meet me. she brought along her testosterone junky boyfriend, equipped with a saw and duct tape. he went to work, and i didn't think that car could get uglier, but peeps, it certainly did.

damn people. what is it with men? you'd think we were giving away puppies or something. men came out of the woodwork. at least ten that i can count, to help of course, or advise, whichever. duct tape and a saw, the siren song of manhood.

creepy, and all this time i thought it was something else completely. dating issues, solved. tape and saw, tape and saw, do you hear me, mister right? am i speaking your language now?

all in all, a great day. so blogworthy, every bit. no sappy comments, pretty please, i'm fine. truly blessed to be here. very happy, relieved, and lucky. it's just ugly twisted metal folks, it ain't people. and that deer had a deathwish, and further, no insurance. i saw his look of surprise fo sho. we had a moment, it was his last.

and again, i'm up too late..

where's my ambien? i think i'll start with 5 and call the doc for a refill in the morning. should make his day.

little time, many errands. familiar story?

my four o'clock appointment ran over, didn't leave until 5:15. which left me a mere 15 minutes to get across town to free alex from the daycare before they start the massive over charging, dollar a minute after hours..

got him, was trying to make it to the dry cleaners. right in front of the cop shop, there was a policeman rolling out the driveway, guess he just came on duty. the light changed, i stopped. afterall, i was in a hurry, but not enough to run a red light right in front of the pd. the girl behind me plowed right into me.

oh fuck. prolly wouldn't have hurt so bad if i wasn't craning my neck around to stare at the uniformed yummies.

good news, it wasn't my fault, the girl said she thought i was going to go through the light. funny she never thought to, uh, look. brake lights were working and the light was solidly red by the time the car in front of me ran through...more good news, it only dented in my back bumper. even better news, she had insurance!!

bad news, it surely totaled the girls ford focus. it looked and smelled like shit. she stood there crying while i begged the two cops to hurry, still had a kid to pick up at six. rough day, all in all, and my neck hurts like hell. i'm drugging up and passing out.

later, y'alls

my mom is the bomb, stocked the fridge, cooked the best meal i've had in weeks and made the kids darth vader costumes, capes and all. we sew em..it's a tradition. actually, my mom sews and i thread all the needles, but it's a real family affair and the kids look great. quiet costumes too, they just breathe loud. love it, and half my work is done. THANKS MOM!!

alex came to my bathroom while i was getting ready for the day and declared he wanted to eat breakfast at the donut palace. reminded me of the last time he made that request...

i told him, "if we go to the donut palace, you are eating kolaches"

he said, "no, i'm eating donuts"

i said, "alex, kolaches have protein which makes you strong"

and he said, "so do donuts"

i said, "no, they don't. donuts make you fat"

and he said, "well, i want to be strong and fat"

damn, two things you don't normally wish for, at least in my family line. more power to you, alley cat, strong and fat indeed.

1> Shoe needs to get out the monkeysickle and do some tests on him and what not.

2> Shoe needs a flu shot-like really really needs a flu shot.

3> Shoe needs a new pair of shoes from google's lips to my credit card's ears.

4> Shoe needs to either wake up or start getting some extra willpower.

5> Shoe needs to mend her ways and start being more of a team player.

6> Shoe needs a drug-dealer's testimony to free a teenager wrongfully accused of murder.

7> Shoe needs help for life (Well i can't argue there)

8> Shoe, a 3-4 month hound mix with a broken leg, needs a loving home and help with veterinary bills

9> Shoe needs a new name

10> I don't believe that Shoe needs sex.

really?? i'm going to go out on a limb and guess none of these were about me... thanks, leslie!! by the by, true missed the bus while mama shoe was doing this meme, the bus driver made us miss the bus!! later, skaters...

woke up with two little boys in my bed. that's the real shame of sleeping like a bear, i just don't even notice until the morning comes and i awake with a few feet crammed in some uncomfortable places. i'll be popping and crackling all day long from the all night nocturnal contortions.

this morning was even rougher than usual as i awoke and i was wet. not sexy wet, you blog freaks, but snoozing away in a lake o pee. thank you boys, mommy needed that extra push towards the great abyss. thank goodness for rubber sheets.

it was a great precurser for my day though. had an appointment with a lady at ten to start her investing. she brought her cantankerous dad along for back up. he went along reading the paper throughout our conversation, but would look over the paper to blast insults at me from time to time. "i hate walmart" "i hate big oil companies" "i hate ..." yeah, yeah, pops...my papa was just like you. everyday closer to the end of the world. red saved my ass and pulled him out to talk to him which gave me a chance to really get down to brass tacks with the daughter without the heckler throwing me off stride.

as she was getting ready to leave, she said, "thank you shoe. you could be my daughter by age, but you act more like my mom. now when people talk about investments, i'll actually understand what they mean. thank you so much" and it was all worth it, peeps. thanks is the best payment i get all day, it says they appreciate me.

then i had a long appointment with one of my most bizarro couples.. we joke that the husband is trying to kill the wife. he's not, they are just older. but the wife has severe dementia, and has gone to nursing facilities twice this last month for dehydration and starvation. she forgets to eat, and he forgets that it's necessary to keep her alive. love is truly blind folks, for they are crazy in love despite the fog.

but nobody is going to dehydrate on our watch, red kept her lubricated. served her an ice cold glass of water. she said no, she wasn't interested, but after needling her a bit, she picked up the glass and downed the whole thing. red got up to refill her glass and she'd say "no mas." funny, cause she barely speaks, that she pulls spanish out of the blue floored us all. but red persisted, and sat down another full glass. the hubby and i would talk for a moment, and then we'd hear gulp, gulp, gulp, ahhhhh...this went on for an hour. she must have had 4 or 5 glasses.

and then the dam broke. for the first time in my 13 year career, someone peed in my office chair. hey, i'm not complaining, she was wearing depends, no muss, no fuss. we all went on just like a tremendous silent but deadly fart had just been blown into the area. no big deal. i'm a professional folks, thirty grand on the desk and not even a wet spot on my chair. life is good.

afterall, it's a service industry and i am the money mama...and i truly do care. and while i'm not fairly compensated these days, what with the heckling, and the peeing, and the constant stream of need... i know i'm helping. i'm doing the right thing. you can freaking urinate on me, and i'm used to it. is that tough love, or what?

and now i'm off to perform for the corporate clan. thanks for your advice and well wishes, they were all appreciated. good weekend to you. i'll get a post up if i still have a job come sunday.

nighty night

have thirty hours of continuing education to start and finish by november first.

have a seven year old's birthday party to plan and put on by november first. trick or true, anyone? single mommies need competent chaperones..

have two children to outfit for halloween, which would normally be easy..but they change their mini manic minds daily.

have to face the mighty corporate bigwigs on friday who hold my immediate future in their balmy big bruddah hands. they are flying in for some one-on-one. whoopty shit!! can you feel my excitement, peeps?

big meeting, big fun, anybody got a gun? i'm done

great night at bunco. beastie boys' licensed to ill playin whilst the girls cackled out some new and repulsive insults. my favorite tonight was "pepper bush" and i can't tell you who had it, but if you get it, you will be hot and the sixes will be turning up quicker than you can bitchslap a sista doing the sprinkler. i know what i speak.

football is so on this year. watched my horns slay colorado on saturday. matter of time, just a matter of time. the university of texas is going back to rose bowl, my friends. i know it, i feel it, and i must see it..

but i hear dax making mention of his beloved bulldawgs squeeking out a rose bowl ticket too, and if that's the case, well you know, it's our freaking year peeps!! HORN DAWGS unite!! there's something cosmic about this whole blown-eyed blodger connection. i won't say it's destiny, cause i know it geeks out some of my atheiorhoid blodge bretheren, but it's some kind of major coinkydink nonetheless. bring it on

afterall, fair georgia blodgers, the eyes of texas have been upon you for quite some time now. do NOT think you can escape them...

can you imagine the blog drama, the smack talk? let's go ahead and start now and we'll be ready to draw blood come new year's...

and that means you, el capitan, round up your posse and bring it.

we ain't a discriminating bunch, so as long as you'll sign the waiver, you are welcome to come along..

great camo filled day today. bunco tonight and the babysitter is at the ready, so i'm outie

see y'alls latra

you will not want to miss this one, folks, it's a shoe sanctioned event..and i can't wait to see y'all again.

good on ya, folks. take it mice and cheesey, love y'all

no fucking kidding on that one, but still

my money talk took leave as ass sex engorged my troubled mind. ream your assets, ream your assets, chanting away in thirty dirty dialects. i did the conversation fade out, which can be particularly embarrassing when you're the only other one in the conversation. what can i say, my mind has a tendency to wander, and at times, needs a passport.

besides tube the hooch, there was sammy's stunning "nice titties" comment in the middle of the country store. but, i think my favorite in retrospect was when zonker came to get his pickle out of the grocery sacks. he was already scared of me as i had pulled my mean mommy look on him in the store. i said, "what do you want? you want me to help you dig out your pickle?" whoa, zonker doesn't let that shit slide, people.

so i'm liking the double meanings, let's play. give it to me, your best wha-huh statements. in the comments and the best will get some personal play by me in my very own hometown. something nasty i can slip to the general public. get to work, get freaky, i need a good laugh.

it's really over, isn't it?

i had a few loose ends hanging over me..and since sobriety has brought me nothing in the way of html code or blodge material, i give you my scattered bits:

1) chicken pot pie (the signs said do not feed the blodgers, especially in a betty crocker mini bake oven, but the punch floweth, so the sense stopeth)

what ya need: 4 boneless skinless chicken breasts (or as sammy says, nice tiddies), 1 can chicken broth, 1 can cream of chicken soup, some veggies (i'm partial to the corn, green bean & carrot mixture, minds me of the store bought version), a cup o flour, cup o milk & a stick of butter

heat oven 350
boil those breasts & then dice em up
butter a 13 x 9 baking dish
combine soup, broth, veggies & diced chicken in the dish
salt & pepper
combine butter, flour & milk and pour over the top

salt & pepper and bake for an hour
bon appetite!

2) donnie, you are the quintessential milbrat of the blodgospace, are you not? everytime you make friends, you pack up and leave? am i remembering this correctly?

3) april in austin, the texas meat is discussed here

4) zonker, i keep thinking your thought: if you give a blodger some pot pie, then he'll ask you for some punch, if you give a blodger some punch, then he'll ask you for a light...man, that resonates far more than a mouse and a cookie.

5) dax, i got rid of my dots. unfortunately i can't do anything else. i've called on that super freak paul to save me. sorry bout the blinding white. and mister montana, thanks for packing the camo.

and not show any faces that i don't regularly see hoe-ren up cyberspace


enjoy lurky loos..
hi bounce pinkys







more pics to come, but still in the camera.

of course i met some celebrities too. people i already knew, my blogfather eric and his sweet bride fiona. i got a live serenede on the chattahoochee, beat that. dax montana, just damn ya own self. acidman, dude you lie like a rug. you a happy cat, you just need to be declawed is all. and of course that's just me thinking out loud, you go ahead and grumble all you want.

and of course my ancient blown-eyed blodgemates from nawlins, my ambassadors of hooch tubin and punch swilling and all shades of wrongness. zonker, thanks for the ride and is it too late to suggest badcock & more for your new url? blight gurl, don't you go thinking i'm going to forget that cracking my head with your cast comment. hey, if you weren't so funny, i wouldn't be giggling. you the problem, you the answer, you're all that and then some. my cabana key, for the coffee and the forewarning on that punch, you rule my world and saved me from certain destruction. you are good on the rescue, girl. and i finally got to hear denny play, on the most beautiful day of our stay. (mom-he played blackbird and rocky racoon for us, you would have stroked out.) and you know who i think was watching my back best and keeping a mindful eye over me, mister you alright? sam i am. thank you for everything, you are too kind. velociman, the jim jones of our blodgecult, for taking your half rubber maniac self to those that would dare to tube the hooch in your presence and for preferring to swim on her sandy banks instead, you put the crack in cracker my friend, freak on.

no surprises there, what you read is what you get. blodgers are the best that way. but it must be said, if you like what you read, quite an experience to catch the live show for a few days. too much fun, love all you fine blown-eyed blodgers, you the best.

truth is i wish i was still stumbling around with all y'all at the kristy, so i'll just read you instead. but me and that chatham artillery punch? we are through.

oh, and i'll get my links up just after i catch up with reality round here. it's late and i'm sleep deprived to say the very least.