heard there was a cop shot in the face during the lootings yesterday, another precinct was shot up with ak47s..i'm sick..people of new orleans...you were warned, you were urged to leave...now that you are on tv acting surprised i have nothing left but anger and would love nothing more than to see the cops start shooting your looting asses..
i know you have all no doubt seen the military..what pride..fresh back from iraq and in the thick of it, risking their lives to save us again...speechless...what dedication..anyone starting to have a firmer grasp on what it really means to support our troops??
of course the local cops are suffering too..they've lost their homes...their families are hopefully safe, but now like me, glued to the tv wondering if their spouses are going to make it out of the war zone..
brutal shame...sick for humanity...sick for the stupidity...so sad for all those who left and lost but starting to believe new orleans should be our lost city of atlantis...
as for the missippi and alabama coasts, i can't help but think y'all were caught with false security. my heart breaks seeing the devastation, knowing some of those who fled new orleans may have ended up in worse fate further down the coast...
my good friend mean jean lived in long beach, mississippi...it's one of those completely flattened towns on the gulf...no cell phone, can't get thru...worried sick..depressed..
my prayers are for our military and the local police, rescue and health workers...their strength and their desire to see this through are among our only hopes to survive this catastrophic event..i also pray for the strength of all those displaced families, now with nothing to return to..
i walked in and begged the neighbor's employee..who is that? and tell me he's not 18..
the young girl behind the counter said, "nope, he's older than that"
good i said and relayed our taudry story from the street just moments before..
she said, "yeah, i think he's 19, he graduated last year"
wah, wah, waaaaaahhhh
ouch, sorry hot young boy's mom, wherever you are..
You scored 38% grit, 23% wit, 23% flair, and 21% class!
|You are one tough dame, as tough as they come. You've had to fight long|
and hard to get where you are, but you always knew you'd do whatever
you had to do to get ahead. You aren't above committing crimes (or
seducing others to do them for you) to get what you want. You want to
be happy and comfortable, but you usually always manage to get the
fuzzy end of the lollipop. Even your kids are usually against you. Your
leading men include anyone you set your sights on, even married guys
that are never seen on-screen. Watch your back.
|My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:|
|Link: The Classic Dames Test|
4 hours back home sweet home...andit was eerily beautiful all the way...the literal calm before the storm... all i could think of were all those families 4 hours behind me..on the same pavement..taking their families and their beloved pets and fleeing for their lives..leaving home behind possibly forever..i've driven in bad rains on those span bridges before, it was plenty frightening without wondering if there would be a new orleans to return to.
your home is going to be 30 feet underwater in less than a day...what do you do? what do you save? what really matters? what if fleeing is more dangerous? didn't most the people that died from katrina in florida get hit by falling trees?
i saw on the news this morning, tourists in the french quarter walking around saying they can't get out..their flights were canceled yesterday..no rental cars..no cabs..it's a good thing they didn't have access to the internet or the news, cause their friendly banter with the interviewer was straddled by two stories of imminent and total destruction..thank goodness they got that twelve pack of bud light...they are going to need it...
now my eyes are starved for more satellite imagery and hopefully live footage of new orleans looking like a complete ghost town..i will of course say my prayers for the big easy..and i'll be thinking of Lafitte's..and of those other fine places and hoping they don't exist in memory alone..
key and kelley got it going on people.. do not miss this opportunity to meet the finest folks on the planet.. and if you're strapped for cash, consider bunking with the vman..i would, but i've already committed my nights to the blight...assuming i make it..i hope so, but i truly don't know..
book now, crazy fruit cakes, you will be so glad you did..
and leave your damn cameras at home..
second, i scheduled my mandatory biennial continuing education in houston for friday..allowing me to skip work, mama loves a four day work week...and since i'll be in houston, it just so happens that guy forsyth is having a record release at 6 and then playing at the continental club around 9...wa-hoo!! and the kids get to see their gammie, so everyone is happy..
finally, my sales month ended, and by the sheer grace of god, my hot SRF NRA badass beautiful favorite client called and invested 40 grand at zero hour..pushing me a mere 20 bucks above my lowest income month this year...which means, it was my second lowest month of the year... which rocks!! i was devasted to be hitting a new low, and now i'm not..lucky fucking ducky right here..
now, the one right i'm wronging: my kids are going to have to miss school the very first week of the school year... those bitties in the office better not bring that bullshit about all the funds they lose to absences.. i hate the education beauracracy, it's crap.. i pay my fucking taxes, income and property, so they can take their funding issues up with the freaking NASD..
in short, all is well, and though i'll depart for a long leisurely weekend at home in houston, absence makes the heart grow fonder, right? ..maybe you'll miss me..
all this thinking about my horrible dates of late has got me realizing that i really haven't had a decent one in eons..
today, i wore my black suit..it is my favorite...flared knee length skirt..cantaloupe colored blouse..it's as summery and fun as a black suit can be.. heels and plenty of exposed toes, fresh pedicure, don't ya know..
when red returned from lunch, i was sweeping our front porch...she went nuts..."what are you doing? you are going to get all dirty.."
i told her i was advertising...thought a show of sweeping on main street at noon would show the passing cowboys i was domesticated..look at me, i sweep, i invest money, you'll like me, ask me out...
didn't work.. still i see gorgeous men everywhere and i haven't a clue how to meet them..any suggestions?? and lay off the raunch, i need some advice i can actually use...ideas please on how to meet a complete stranger that you're attracted to..
or if you'ld rather, how not to scare a man away..i seem to excel at that as well..
either way, this should be fun..
i live in a ranch area...hunting is an industry here...thank goodness...do you like to hunt? do you like hanging out in beautiful settings for hours on end with nothing to do but stalk exotic game in their backyard? i love it..ranching is interesting business...it creates the beautiful landscapes that i call home and appears to attract some characters..
my main friend is pretty much the ringleader of the hunter's lunch..you have on average 8-9 regulars and then whoever the hell is in town hunting that weekend.. interesting...this monday, sounds like minnesota, next monday maybe joisey...it's very diverse in that way..
recently, my friend had a hunter in town from colorado...he was trying hard to fix us up but it was all wrong from the get go..besides working with the dead (taxidermist) he was half hitched, or half ditched, i can't remember...but he was already in the purgatory stage of a relationship with someone else, so i never really took the whole fix up thing seriously...
so we have our usual chatter over chips and salsa, and my friend is trying too hard the whole time.. it is all kinds of awkward...our food arrives and my friend starts telling me this story...
seems he and the taxidermist were speaking of me the previous weekend...and being that they were working on mounts all weekend and speaking of me, they put their heads together and made me a gift..and wah-lah...here's your gift we made you...
it was a nameplate that said "Chou Chope, Femme Extraordinaire"..
i looked at the taxidermist in disbelief and asked, "you want to mount me?"
in my attempt to get up early, i accidentally moved the time forward making my usual 6:30 spring to action time occur at 5:30..yow...
true was beaming...he is so excited about catching the bus and starting first grade...i tried to pack him a lunch, but he said no, the cafeteria serves hot things hot and cold things cold, he'd rather dine there..
got to go out front in my bathrobe and take first day of school pics along with the other scantily clad moms in the neighborhood...cute cute...there's betty in her flowered smock, and there's linda with her hair looking like a mop, and there was me...a little bit of scare everywhere..no mind..i got my grinning happy school boy on film..foreveh...
bus picked him up at 5 after 7, one hour to roust the mini me from slumber and shuck him from his nighties and get him on the go..
life is good, the year is new again....
have a good one!!
vman, what is going on?? you forget to tell us something??
we are going to church and then i don't know what...it's wide open..ceaseless options..
talk about god things...i've had a little craziness at work of late..one of my clients, in his eighties, fell down and broke his hip...he's ate up with cancer so they sent hospice in to care for him...
call me crazy, but i always thought hospice came in when you were on death's door..i had no idea they helped when you were functioning, just going mad from the medication and lack of mobility..does anyone know? anyway, my client called me saying, "hey doll, can ask you something and i need you to tell me the truth, have we been talking these last few days?"
"no, sir..your wife was kind enough to stop in and let us know you'd fallen...she's giving us progress reports by phone and we've all been worried sick, but you and i haven't spoken until today"
"funny, in my mind we had talked several times these last few days.. say, i can't get my account up on the computer, can you tell me how much is there?"
i did and gave him a basic review on how the market has been performing lately and then he interrupted me...
"yeah, we talked about all this...didn't we? haven't we just spoken of this yesterday and the day before, several times??"
"no, sir...i'm sorry...we've not spoken...i was really concerned about your fall, but your wife came in and told me you were having a hard time"
"let me ask you something, doll, and i need you to be honest with me....have we spoken these last couple of days?"
ugh, it makes me so sad to see people i've loved and tried to help slip away...i don't know if this one's coming back, ya know? but i feel for his wife..dealing with that paranoia at her age must be unreal...everybody's out to get him, and all she can do is pile on more pills and pray for his peace of mind..
stronger women than me out there..lots to strive for..
peace of mind to all you people, it is a commodity folks, so don't take it for granted..
alex is getting so big..i asked him when his legs got so long last night..he said he was growing up, and that he was still little, just has really big legs, he doesn't know why..but he thinks he's going to be a daddy soon... yikes, who knows what goes on in there? that kid's mind...cuckoo, cuckoo, cuckoo...
just two days left of summer..pre k and first grade come monday...here we go..
tonight i was supposed to be at the worldwide album release of Guy Forsyth's Love Songs For and Against.. i was going to see guy play live for the first time in freaking months...lovely downtown austin...antone's...i even squeaked out a spot in the vip area..damn, do you hear the giant sucking sound? yes, it's coming from the general direction of mexico, just a few hours north..it ain't nafta, it's my life..
never heard from the ex..called him tuesday, asked if he was sending any money, it was the 16th afterall...no word..called wed, asked if he was planning on picking up the boys, and did he send any money, it is the 17th...no word...called thurs, asked what time he was getting the boys, and did he send any money, i had to prepay a gazillion dollars in school shite, it is the 18th...no word...called this morning, assuming he's not sent any money but is he planning on picking up the boys? it is the 19th, afterall..
no word..canceled the trip to the show about 3..that's the power of denial people..three o'clock and i was still hanging on to mother hope..
ex's future ex called about 5:30...they just got all my messages..is it a good time to talk? not really said i, what's up? oh, you're in mississippi? on vacation? no, i can't talk...it's not a good time at all..
UPDATE: received one text and a phone call from the show..all is very well... sold out.. go guy!!
got a call last night from one little debbie..she's on the brink of madness, i tell you..she called to reserve hunters' weekend with me.. isn't that special? it's august, people...hunters' weekend is november..hello? am i coming in clearly..
i didn't mind though..sure, i was only taking reservations thru labor day, like to leave the schedule open..but she bent my ear, she did..talking about boys, and camo, and guns, and hunters' weekend.. we've spent many of them together..
last year little debbie had acquired a taste for straight bourbon..and they served her a fishbowl of it, it was a joke of a drink..everybody in the place was winking and smiling, don't ya know..little debbie was out on the town and feeling alright..
we met a ferrier by the name the name of bud..and let me tell you he was geeky, but little debbie was inebriated and geeking pretty hardcore herself..
it really was a magical little intro..bud introduced himself and told little d she was lovely, and what was her name?...she told him and asked what he did for a living..to which he replied, "i'm a ferrier, i shod horses, mam"
debbie was horrified..she turned to me and said, "shoe, he shot horses"
i said i heard him and i didn't understand why he was so proud of it..but shit, it was hunters' weekend and all, when in rome..
you could see the white picket fence and two countrified children going up in flames in little debbie's terrified drunken gaze...
if only the night had ended there, but hunters' weekends never do..but that's a tale for another time...
little debbie called me a week later laughing hysterically..she was stopped at a light behind a pickup that had a bumpersticker that read, "save a horse, ride a ferrier"
according to the liar's table at the coffee shop this morning, it's official, texas' population is now 50% hispanic and i quote "..and that's just the ones they can count"..now don't go fact checking, blog freaks, you know that's not what i'm about...and it wouldn't be the liar's table if people went there for facts..
anyway, one guy said he had a mexican that did the most beautiful mosaic tilework...
to which another piped in that he had a mexican that had been his gardener for years and he has a lawn that would make most golf courses look like crab grass..
and still another gentleman had a mexican that sort of does it all..built a fence, did some painting, drywall here and there, and the best news? he's got family, his sister just arrived two weeks ago, and she cleans houses..
egads, i thought...everybody's got a mexican, but me..and being a good capitalist, i immediately began desiring one for myself..
so i know it's not pc, but is it racist? i mean, if it doesn't have a negative connotation when you group people by race, is it racist?
i think "i've got a mexican" should be our national anthem, at least in texas..afterall, each little immigrant is the american dream in the making..they work hard..they don't pay taxes and so neither do you. they do an honest day's work for an honest wage..sure, i know condoning illegal immigration is probably the wrong move, yet, i love a clean house, i love a beautiful yard, i love many things that my single mom lifestyle can't provide me, but my mexican amigos can...
with all the gaza exodus in the news, i couldn't help but fantacize about the US giving texas back to mexico...i mean what if? we have massive borders to protect, and we aren't squares like most you four cornered states..go ahead, i dare you..mark my words, you will be outsourcing to texmexico very soon thereafter...don't fear china, fear texmexico...we are infiltrating even as you sleep..
just my url, no article reference, i am impressed.. sandwiched in between a tale of incest and shaved scandinavian beauties..
i don't know how this sort of thing happens, but i thank you, whoever you are magical techno gods..i could have come up under such scarier searches so i sleep easy tonight...
all is well, dear ones, all is well...
our vice would be slightly older, also an established icon in the business world.. a veteran and man of his word..people will probably come to think of him as the puppetmaster, but the brains there will be more than enough to compensate for any dirt they dig up on the velocimaster. denny, you're going to be the rock that gives viability to the ticket..you can do it!!
you know you have my support..there's time...let's make this a reality..ain't too much of a change for the average joe, but definitely a step in the right direction...OH YEAH!!
so there i was, and i don't want to spill any super tight undercover info, but i was doing a little research on "copsucker"
after re-reading kelley's comment from a week or so ago, i thought..if i can't be copsucker.com, well then i don't want to be just any kind of copsucker, definitely not copsucker.org--that sounds like work... plus, i'm a capitalist..simplest way i can see to own my company is to buy my own .com...$10, okay..sounds like a deal to me....but didn't she mention that one was already taken??
that's what i thought i heard..whoever that is, they are wasting a perfectly wonderful url..damn them..i'd be a more productive copsucker, unlike the actual true copsucker.com...what a slacker...
anyways, so i'm learning all about various copsuckers, songs of copsuckers, women that got labeled copsucker, go look, 529 something references..hey, copsucker is an accepted title..where have i been?? lots of signals along the way, but most eye opening was my visit to the gay hanky codes site.. i learned that there's more than one way to show you are the copsucker..
dawg gone it..did y'all know it was a gay thing? very funny, people, i didn't..when were you planning on telling me?? hmm?? when i move my site it and quickly escalates to the number one gay google and you cool ass conservatives can't hang with me anymore because i've become the fag hag of cyberspace?? fine, be that way..
do y'all think this means i'm gay? as if i don't have enough problems..oh well, i'm putting my blue hanky in my back right pocket and taking these kids to town...i'm driving fast too..whatever it takes...
UPDATE: someone we all know and love was giving off the "looking for salty seamen" sign in nawlins...
even with the zealots that seem so obviously flawed, like the branch davidians and the jim jonesians and those folks that tried to catch the comet drinking dramamine and wearing nikes.. although, they without question take their self assurance too far, you gotta admit..
you're all just a little better than me aren't you?
it was high noon when the young lass wandered back to the homestead and inside for a drink..she heard the hoopin and hollerin from her bedroom and opened the shutter to see the commotion..
oooooh, fuck no, jack...not you, simmer down...you know you can't go arguing with a madman, especially when he's armed...for the love of god, man, don't go there...
but jack stammered away...he'd had enough, and honestly, who amongst you hasn't felt the same at one time or another?
truly it was a compassionate thing he did..this downtrodden cowboy..for many times he had been inside the saloon when the madman came preying on the locals..he used his charm and his razor wit, and he mesmerized the masses with his golden tongue...sadly, it came with chronic halitosis, in a time when the town was too old yet to know what that meant..
the madman was the horse's ass in the one horse town..the mindless lackeys he surrounded himself with a seething pussing wound on the town..a telling sign to all that resided there that the ignorance and inbreeding was not just a problem down the trail, but in their very own township..
the stories relating to the band of idiots and the turmoil they wrought on the town read like a western encyclopedia to the fall of rome. little joe had once shot himself in the foot while cleaning his gun..sarah jane had once been forced to ride bare back all the way home with no knickers when the sex starved madman had gone overboard with his advances..even tiny, the slackjawed piano player had given up making the peace, he himself feeling the unchangeable outcome not worth the fight.
in the end, jack escaped the gunfight hardly injured..for he realized that he himself had used the band of idiots as his own folly for years..how now could he not see the humor in the retarded circus act they brought to his door? indeed, he had to embrace the retarded children for they were products of the place he called home..
the boys are gone for their final summertime stint with dad..i tried to behave, but like clockwork i found myself driving by the bar on the way home from work, but this time, no kids in the backseat, uh oh...
so i shimmied inside...wearing my blue pin stripe suit..normally, i like to go incognito..a rule due to the ongoing persecution from the teetotaling investing public..however, i was there when the mood struck me, so in i went..
i love a small town bar..there were about 8 people there...so everyone just sits together at one big table..i got an education..
sat with a biker and got to quizing him..this post is rambling on like bad gas so i'll just bullet point the highlights of what i learned for you:
great suggestions and i'm all in...i suggest we put the texas meet off until april...APRIL 29th would be my target weekend and here's why...
i know 8 months is a long time to wait, but hear me out..there are many standing blogfests about these great united states through christmas, i thought having it here would force some of us to say texas vs. helen...and i'm all about getting to jawja and meeting those great bloggers on their home turf, which means any of you coming to texas would be fuct..see, i'll be broke by then, regardless..post october, which is loosely helen time(?), things get nuts with christmas and all that comes with it...
then there's the whole fact that coming to texas may be a first for a few of our visitors, so i want it to be great weather...i want there to be plenty of time for everyone that wants to come to get a ticket and get here.
Austin is a great suggestion..april 29th is the 40 something anniversary of eeyore's birthday party in pease park...it's warm outside, it's a free outdoor hang out type atmosphere, and the freaks come out en masse..we don't even have to walk, just stake a claim on some property..home base..beer for sale and just wait til you see the scenery..we even have our own silverman that shows each year..i guarantee if we did it that weekend, you would all witness that which keeps austin weird..
sound good and conflict free i hope?? oh, and of course anyone wanting to come sooner...we texas blodgers are always up for a mini-meet, just let us know when to be at the airport to get you...
check your schedules and holla back..
anywho...suggestions, please?? a winter meet means a mild winter for all those northerners who might like to come..although, things get pretty beautiful around here in the spring...maybe we could have the jeckyll spot in april? and jeckyll could be moved to a warmer month when leaving the hotel room could be an option??
who's in?? what month? city escape? or a ranch style ho-down? you tell me...leave some suggestions...and Christina...i know it's rude to ask the dead to plan their own funeral...but can you help me??
i was confused by blogland when i returned..i didn't get it.. sorry, but i enjoyed reading a rape survivor criticizing domestic violence survivors about as much as i would enjoy seeing a retarded child and an autistic child fight to the death..i just didn't get it..comments to boot..
believe me, when you deal with people's money you tend to know them intimately. i know a thing or two or three about domestic violence..it isn't an act of stupidity but an act of love.. deranged manipulation of what love is supposed to be, definitely... but love is how you get there to begin with and the fleeting memories are what trap you there...
the victim is very generally mentally beaten into a state of worthlessness and fear.. the victim knows it's wrong, but sometimes knows nothing else, can't see a way out..soon enough, the grotesque bastardization of the perfect family becomes the norm..and who can you blame but yourself?
masochists don't shout out their achilles heals from the rooftops, they covet them as prized secret weaknesses..and therefore they are alone in their suffering, starved for a supportive word they only get their stupidity and worthlessness validated by the apathetic masses.
i felt the exact same domestic violence with a few blogs i was reading.. the height of degradation just being there.. the vile attitudes i took in daily...the ocean of untruth i kept on with because i remembered the good old days. i found myself sitting in my comfy chair late night in my jammies, and so sick of the unbelievable bullshit i was willingly taking in..honest disagreement, i can deal with..mindless chanting minions, i can not..
i think i'm better now..much happier without the negatory bullshit..
denial is a fabulous seaside resort...you see the sharks in the water, but you still long to swim..you've got spf 80 on the sunniest day in hawaii.. no harm's coming your way..you're insulated, invincible, bullet proof...
ah, sweet denial...allowing the obese to enjoy chocolate cake...allowing the working stiffs to drink and blog till dawn...allowing capitalism to rocket on without a glimpse of reason...sweet sweet denial..keeping families on speaking terms for generations...
i think i should wish that my own reckless denial is merely a natural codependency between the angel and the devil inside (assuming they're both represented) ...and although i arrogantly peruse my surroundings and feel certain that i'm healthier than most..you know? then i realize, i'm probably in denial...
turns ons..turn offs..pet peeves..freaky fettishes..disgusting habits..the blogdrama, it's nuts..as the world freakin turns..
i've discovered a few local bloggers, like in my zip code, and i find it kind of exciting to bump into them in georgia on one of my homey's sites...wow...small freakin world, isn't it? well maybe not, i don't know them in real life, only know we share a tiny local domain..howdy, lurky loo neighbor!!
and speaking of domains, i don't know what i have to do to get a sexier one...but blight girl, i know you could make it happen..i mean, we're friends so you have to help me move, right?? people, i want my domain to stir the nether regions of the masses...these are the domains that make me weak:
and speak s l o w l y, i don't know what half of that i said even means...
so i moved home to texas..said goodbye to over 700 clients that had been doing business with me and leapt into the great unknown...it took probably three months before i could transfer all my licenses, so during that time, i just did market research everyday...met the business owners, asked questions, learned the town, you know, acclimated..
my office is fabulous..but the build out took a couple more months..so i prepped the opening, planned a ribbon cutting, called the chamber, and awaited the key to the city...they were going to love me, and my business was going to change their lives...i was so excited..
i had a habit of carring fliers in a folder around in my car, invitations or declarations really, of the grand opening and the festivities to come...
one morning i pulled up to the donut palace, and there was the owner Hop at the drive thru window...he and his wife are the sweetest petitest little asian couple you have ever seen and he was always asking about my business, as i was the only seemingly unemployed person he saw regularly wearing a suit..
Hop, "i see you are going to work, is your office finished?"
me, "no, not quite...but almost, i'm having a grand opening party in a couple of weeks...i hope you and your wife will come"
i started searching my car, and at the time, my office...the folder was empty, the travel file...empty...the glove box, empty...damn, i really wanted hop there..
i saw in the floorboard one flier, i had folded it twice over..but i figured, ahhh, it's not perfect but it's got all the info...and i handed it to hop..
he smiled and looked up at me over the flier..very quiet, very strange...and then he said, "I like the kisses.."
he turned it around to show me, and i had blotted my lipstick in the middle of the thing...it said you are welcome to this grand opening...SMOOOCH!!!
i want to die, die, die, die, die, die...
ugh, the epitome of professionalism...hop and his wife didn't make it to the opening..
My child attends a Plan IV program and
I don't know what the hell that means.
"quite a few people know about my blog..but they just don't give a shit..pretty much like me and my posts.."bravo, eric..
they don't give a shit, do they? non-bloggers don't blog..and by that i fully include lurkers and include lurking as an act part and parcel to blogging.. as a deformed, i mean, reformed lurker..i was still addicted when i was just reading...
other people simply aren't...you can give them your url, you can urge them to comment..but they just won't..they aren't wired for it..and they fear what they do not understand..(bawk, bawk, bawk, little debbie!)
my favorite is just to say the word blog..often it evokes a slight startled look..kind of like they don't know if you just cussed or belched or what..and then often, they find it hard to use it in a sentence, not knowing if it's a noun or a verb, very confusing to the non blogging public...
still, i read a few articles..one guessing 8 million blogs in existence..who knows..with all the variations, probably..but how many bloggers? what is the population density of those both addicted to reading and/or writing regularly?? if the world population is 6.5 trillion souls, how many of them are blog sloths or wired to be so?
got me thinking about cycles though..damn, we are pathetic predictable creatures, aren't we? market cycles, lunar cycles, menstrual cycles..what else? theyare all marked with recurring warning signs, roadmaps to what lies ahead...the oedipal redundancy inescapable..fantastic, we are rats on a wheel, are we not??
went to get a lipstick and some spot remover (miracle blemish product) and two smock clad women started to quiz me about my cleansing routine..they did not like that i was exfoliating in the morning, at all..the woman straight up asked if i was using a three step process, all three steps?
i had an overwhelming urge to bitch slap one of them when it occurred to me..the blemishes, my attitude, their overbearing, gung-ho cleansing rituals...all significant cogs in the shoe cycle today..
fortunately, i recognized the signs and i let them live..
you know i'm a good capitalist, right? well i don't hate walmart, not all the time...in our small town, having a super walmart is like having the circus in town every day of the year. long hike in from the searing hot parking lot (are there any close spots?)..bright lights...kids squealing in delight, and some in agony....impassible mazelike corridors, and of course, freaks aplenty..
however, the personal hygiene is over here and the milk is wayyyy back over there, and before you know it, like vegas, you emerge and you've lost hours of your life...no getting that back..
true suggested tonight that we call it "tall fart" since it's so important to us and it stinks so bad...i liked that, although i had to closet my true feelings..can't show i endorse his usage of the word fart, give an inch and all that..
i've had a lot of cashier positions in my employment history..and i always love to mess with cashiers..especially at tall fart..i've made a study of it folks, and i don't think you will find a more bland humorless employee than those that lurk behind the registers wearing the "every day low" badge..it's more telling than i think they know..
here are my favorite cash out jokes..which i have now delivered tens of times apiece..never have i received any sign of understanding beyond a tilted head and a blank stare...is it me?
Talfart employee "that'll be $109.23"
me, "oh, i don't pay..i have my paycheck direct deposited here the first of every month. just put it on my tab"
Talfart employee, "that'll be $82.40"
me, "uuuuhhhh, nope...that's too much...i'll give you fifty bucks for everything"
Talfart employee, "that'll be $136.18"
me, "that's a lot of money..will you throw in your vest and name badge?"
any suggestions? c'mon, play stump the cashier with me..leave your ideas in the comments and if it elicits the same dumbfounded, non-humored response mine get, i'll mail you a prize!!
i'll be there anyway, depositing my paycheck..and looking to get the most bang for my buck.
had to steal this from the san antonio express-news this morning...does this sound like "i never had sex with that woman" to anybody else? i'm sick of heroes that are zeros..join me, lets place a premium on honesty...
i know one professional athlete and his health is his livelihood..he knows EVERYTHING that enters his body... this guy should run for president with his bastardization of the english language.."intentionally," my ass...
i could care less about his use of enhancement drugs, it's the lying under oath before congress that should get his ass locked up...what a monumental waste of our tax dollars for congress to carry on such a prolonged investigation only to uncover lies.. pass the imodium, please..
i would be shitting a brick if i were called to testify before congress..wouldn't you? i know in my line, lying to the SEC would not only cost me my career PERMANENTLY but also my personal assets and my freedom... they have no reservations about putting corporate criminals away these days.. ask Martha..
hmmm, i wonder why it's so hard for our leaders to tell the truth? small penis complex? any ideas? why is this behavior acceptable in our society today?
she looked at me and said, "actuallee...they were...'orribul...dis one wants to kill zee little one, and zee little one cannot defend himself..." (the little one was six months old, hello??)
so i look at my precious baby's face and it was all scratched up..the older one had seriously hurt him...and where was my beautiful statuesque french guardian? she was right there, playing france the whole time...didn't get involved..wasn't able to protect a 6 month old from a two year old, even with professional training..
so yes, i love france, but i don't defend the ninnies..they are as spineless up close and personal as they are on the world stage..
that life lesson cost me 500 francs and i had to travel back to the states with a scratched up baby...still living, still learning..